after the fall

[houseofscientia]

[Ignis has only a little recollection of what happened. Not of the fine details, but he knows what happened. He knows what he did and why. He prayed for forgiveness, he remembers that one clearly.

He prayed for forgiveness, that Noctis will understand that he had no other way. He prayed, that if he died, Noctis would understand. He prayed that if he meets His Highness King Regis in the afterlife, he would forgive him too for leaving his son alone.

Waking up in pain that ran deeper than his body, with one of his senses robbed of him, with a ringing in his ear was the thing that scared Ignis the most about it all. Not the fight itself, but that he still has Noctis to protect and he may not be able to.

He heard the way Gladio's voice deepened as he updated him about the situation. He heard the way Prompto's voice broke every time he was trying to talk to him. Ignis hated both, because it reminded him how all of them were so scared. So scared. But no one would say a word about it. That's why he took it upon himself to offer Noctis, and with that the others too, to stop this all. Stop the journey, stop this madness and go home. Or escape.

And when Noctis refused, Ignis had never been more proud of him. It made everything worth it, it showed that Noctis is ready. Yet, as a sick twist of fate, Ignis felt he himself isn't. So when he walked out of Noctis' room after that conversation, he never wanted to return. He didn't want Noctis to be reminded of what happened, he already had a lot to deal with by losing Lady Lunafreya too. And Ignis knew how he would feel about seeing him injured too. Maybe it was also vanity on Ignis' part. Feeling the scars on his face, he wondered just how ugly they are. It truly mustn't be a sight anyone would want to look at. But he'll check them when he has his vision back...

They aren't ready to go on. They all need to heal and rest and Altissia is letting them stay that little time they need. It also means there are no hunts, no driving, no busy days, just waiting and supposedly healing. Ignis hates it. It leaves too much time to think. A few times he asked Prompto to help him walk to the market, but he came back with more tension than he left with.

The worst thing, however, that Ignis realized he started to avoid Noctis. He was usually by his side when he would be sleeping, all the other times he asked Gladio or even Prompto to keep vigil. Those times he'd sit on the sofa outside the hotel room and listen quietly to the radio if there's any news about the Empire, or if the hunters have any updates. Just like he does now.]

Comments

[mcring]

[ Once Noctis is awake, he wishes he wasn't. It was a lot to take in. The battle with Leviathan and the Empire, the power Luna gave him... The ring that sits in the Armiger now like a physical weight on his shoulders, bearing him down.

Luna's gone. It almost doesn't feel real, because for so long, she was never around. But Umbra doesn't visit again, and the notebook's still in a drawer in his hotel room with no response beyond the flower on the last page. No response ever again.

He sleeps a lot. It's easy. He felt tired and sore at first; it was a struggle just to sit up, to look in Ignis' direction. His body ached. It's easy to draw that out for days longer than he feels it, to sleep overly long, to stay in bed. The meals brought to him by the guys are from the hotel staff. He doesn't know how much any of this costs. He doesn't ask. Ignis doesn't bring it up. Nothing's like it used to be between them.

It gets to him eventually. Not the misery, not the grief and loss. Noctis wears those like a second skin, now. The loss of his dad was hard. Losing Luna is even harder. But he's lived through hell before. This is different, because back then, he had his friends to support him. Gladio's disapproval, Prompto's unrelenting cheer. They're hurting and he's disappointing them, but they're used to that from him, too, and Noctis is used to letting them down. It's not until he realizes that Ignis has stopped visiting his room that Noctis breaks. Nothing's every going to be how it used to be.

Concern and fear feel like the same thing to Noctis, but whatever it is, it's good motivation. He gets out of bed and doesn't just go stare off his balcony. He takes a shower instead for the first time in a couple days, and puts on clean clothes. The first few steps out of his room hit him with a weird sense of agoraphobia, like he's going to walk out onto that alter, or into a field of sylleblossoms, like in his dreams. He walks out into a hotel hallway instead. With a steadying exhale, he turns, ready to find his way downstairs... Only to stop after a couple steps, because there's Ignis sitting there outside the door, a radio next to him reporting the lack of news.

Noctis inhales, mouth open to say something, but he closes it again, not sure what to say. Ignis is... He's like this because of him. He'll never read a newspaper again, or drive again, or a million other things because of him. Noctis is sure Ignis hates him; why else would he stop visiting like that? And he's got ever right to. But here he is, sitting outside his room, so close, and so completely out of reach. Noctis doesn't know what to say, where to even start, so he doesn't say anything. Turning around, going back into his room or just walking by... He can't do any of that, either. The moment hangs. ]

[houseofscientia]

[The news are the same, since the last few days. Essentially the same. With different words, but their meaning is the same. Ignis isn't even properly listening anymore and he hates it, it makes his thoughts wonder again and that's what he doesn't want. The music they play on other channels also hurts his ears. It's like walking in a nightmare where the world either hurts him, or his own head does. Ignis wants to wake up, he wants this to end... He can't even ask Prompto for distraction here, they are both gone with Gladio to the market.

But then he hears a noise. He turns his head toward the sound of the door opening and closing. And he wants it to be a hotel staff, bringing towels, or food, or anything, but he hadn't heard anyone pass him. That someone is coming from inside the room. Not Gladio. Not Prompto.

Ever since that talk Ignis hasn't interacted with Noctis, not when he was awake. He just couldn't. It hurt too much and he knew he's not doing any good with that. To either of them. But it hurt too much and he already felt like everything is a bit much. And how selfish is to think that? When Noctis had all his family taken from him, when now he had the whole world's well-being on his shoulders. Ignis needs time to handle that. He needs... time.

Ignis reaches to turn off the radio and he manages on the third try, due to how his fingers tremble. Some injuries still hurt, and he still feels a little weak. Yet, he also feels the weight of that ring on his finger even if he's not wearing it anymore.]

Noct?

[He mutters, quietly into the silence. He wishes he was wrong. But he most probably isn't. And Ignis hates how knowing that Noctis is there and awake wants him to go to him. To just hold him, to get a proper proof that he's alive... And maybe to just have something to release that knot in his chest. He wants to put his arms around him and protect him, but how could he anymore?]

[mcring]

[ If Noctis really put his mind to it, he could find out how many days had passed since... Since it all happened. He doesn't know how long he was knocked out for, drained of everything, bolstered by the last strains of Luna's magic until it faded and he was really left alone. He'd think it was longer than it was, months instead of hours, at least days, except that he can see it right there on Ignis' face just how long it's been. The burns around his eyes, not hidden well enough by his glasses, are raw and red, only just starting to heal. He'd thought Ignis had been avoiding him forever, since he'd yelled at him that they couldn't turn back, but maybe it hadn't been that long at all. It only feels like it.

Ignis fumbles just to turn off the radio and it's painful to watch. The guilt is overwhelming. It's just one word, just an acknowledgement, but Noct's throat feels closed tight. He chokes it out, because that guilt won't let him stay quiet, not when Ignis can't see him. ]

Yeah.

[ What else is he supposed to say? Get angry again? He wants to turn around and throw himself back into bed, maybe never leave it this time, but it'd be obvious what he was doing, so he can't. He's stuck there in that spot, looking down at the man who lost so much because of him. Ignis can't fight like this. They can't drag him along to some place as dangerous as Gralea, but they can't leave him behind, either. What the hell is he supposed to do? Anger and frustration burning in him like fuel, Noctis looks down the hallway in both directions and asks. ]

Where're the guys?

[ They really didn't expect him to go wandering off on his own, apparently. But what about Ignis? They just left him alone like this? ]

[houseofscientia]

[Noctis answers and Ignis thought he would feel sadness, or despair upon hearing his voice. But all he feels is relief. Noctis is alive. Noctis is still alive, still with them. And Ignis still feels strongly for him. He refuses the urge to reach up to his scars, somehow he feels like Noctis is looking at them, and Ignis doesn't want him to.]

The market. They needed something. [A breather, he would add. Because he knows how it is; it's not easy to watch someone suffer, someone in pain. And right now, both him and Noctis were in pretty poor shape. Gladio and Prompto were supposed to be away for just a little time. They'd be back soon, and Ignis assured them he will be fine sitting on a couch until that time. Really. He knows they didn't believe him, but they needed a breather. Ignis didn't think Noctis would leave his room, so he thought it'll be fine.]

You should go back and rest.

[Ignis can't help to say. It's been only a few days, but it's certainly not enough for Noctis to properly rest.]

Would you like to eat something? I could ask the kitchen if they can make it.

[He stands up, one hand holding onto the wall as he tries to face Noctis. Suddenly a bit self-conscious too. He couldn't make his hair, he's not even sure which shirt he's wearing. If he's dressed well enough. Even if he checked three times and asked Prompto if anything's off; until he won't be able to check himself he won't rest. But he won't show this, he won't.]

[mcring]

They just left you?

[ How could they do that? Did they both need to go? Ignis probably insisted, but why the hell would they let him? How could they leave Ignis alone when he's... like this? Noctis is angry about it, and he clings to that. Anger feels so much better than everything else.

"You should go back and rest." The words sting. It's just a reminder of all the time he's wasting, of how much he's recovered and dragged it out anyway, of how much Ignis hasn't, and won't. Of how Ignis has been avoiding him. Is he trying to get rid of him? Why wouldn't he? Look what Noctis did to him.

It hurts, everything hurts. He doesn't want to talk about food. His stomach feels hollow, but he isn't hungry at all, feels sick instead. Ignis can't even cook like this... He can't even cook and he's still trying to feed him. Noctis feels like he might shake apart, is glad Ignis can't see the stricken look on his face, and then feels immediately, painfully guilty for even thinking that, that he might be glad Ignis is blind, even for a second, for a stupid reason like that. His voice is thick, unsteady, mixed with anger and grief that he can't hold back. ]

How long have you been out here?

[houseofscientia]

[Ignis was prepared to some kind of retort; maybe that Noctis doesn't need rest or he's not hungry. Something like that. But he wasn't prepared for Noctis to get like this. To get angry over him instead of food or rest. It just reminds Ignis again that how much has changed and still changing. It reminds him of all those things he wanted to avoid for a while, like a coward.]

I sent them away. [He says, because it's true. While Gladio and Prompto needed a little break, he also did. He couldn't bear to hear Prompto's shaky voice again, and feeling him touch him involuntarily as he was trying to walk. He couldn't bear the tension that was coming off of Gladio, which could be felt even without his sight. That anger will one day bubble to the surface and Ignis is afraid what will it destroy in the process. Ignis needed a break too.] They'll be back soon, don't you worry. Gladio's set on speed dial, I can call them if anything happened.

[Ignis sighs. He knows it's not that. Not entirely that. If he could cook he could busy himself, he could offer something at least. But like this, he can't offer anything to Noctis at all. Nothing.]

[mcring]

[ The excuses still don't make it better, as far as Noctis is concerned. How could the hell could they just leave him? Why weren't they together to start with? How did this even happen?

But Noctis doesn't have any room to talk. He left Ignis alone, too. He blew all his strength on a god and couldn't protect the people he cared about it for it. He was asleep when this happened to Ignis, and now, he was still sleeping right through it all, whatever Ignis needs, Noctis hasn't been there for him. Just one more reason for Ignis to hate him. And Prompto and Gladio have been picking up his slack up until now. He can't even stay angry at them. He's just mad at himself.

But where does that leave them? Ignis, who has to touch a wall to know he's not blocking the hallway? Noctis, who feels useless to help him, who can't even help himself? "Don't you worry," he says, like Noctis could ever stop. It's been days since he's seen Ignis before this. The only reason he even thought about leaving his room was to go find him, and now that he has... He's stuck wondering if maybe that was a bad idea. ]

Do you... want to be alone?

[ The others will be back soon. Ignis has the radio, at least, to feel like he's being productive, or whatever. Being around Noctis can only make him feel worse. He shouldn't have gone looking for Ignis at all. If Ignis doesn't want to be near him... Maybe that's better for him. ]

[houseofscientia]

[Ignis turns his head a little, as if he could look away to think. It's a habit he still does. Just like the one where he sets his glasses, even if it has no meaning anymore. Does he want to be alone? No, it's not that. He wants to be whole. He wants to wake up. He wants to feel capable again. And with the others nearby, even Noctis nearby, he doesn't feel like that. It's not alone he wants to be, it's whole.]

Do you?

[He asks back, even if he suspects an answer. Back in the day when Noctis was small and fragile and healing, Ignis was there. He spent the nights with him, and most of his days, being there for Noctis even sometimes they wouldn't talk at all, but they would be together. But this time, how could Ignis even dare to do that? When he can't do anything? Noctis probably doesn't want to be alone, but Ignis doesn't want to hurt him further.]

[mcring]

[ That's not an answer, and it's not really an accusation either, though it feels like one. Of course he doesn't want to be alone; of course he always wants Ignis there for company, even when he's mad at the whole world. But he's been mad at Ignis before and pushed him away. Maybe Ignis really was just waiting for him to leave his room to come and find him, or maybe it's something else. He used to think he knew Ignis better than anybody, but this is.... They've never been through something like this before, not even when Insomnia fell. Nothing's like it was before, and Noctis doesn't know where he stands now. With Ignis, with the others... With anybody.

But he knows where he wants to stand. He lifts his chin, the same kind of old habit. His voice strengthens with it, anyway. ]

Would've stayed in my room if I did.

[ That place is with Ignis by his side. It always has been, and always will be. Even like this, even if Ignis hates him for it. It feels selfish, but Noctis doesn't know how to feel any other way. He wants Ignis to stay behind, to be safe, but... He doesn't want to lose him, too. What the hell are they supposed to do? ]

[houseofscientia]

[Ignis licks his lips, wincing as he feels the scar there. He knew Noctis will answer as such, of course he would.]

I'm sorry, I didn't... we didn't want to leave you alone.

[He promised when Insomnia fell, that he won't leave Noctis. That he'll stay by his side, no matter what and Ignis wanted to keep that promise to the very end. But the moment he had to put on the ring he realized he may not be able to. The apology feels weak, it feels unworthy. It's not exactly what he wanted to say. What a mess he wonders.

He also wonders what he'd do if he wasn't injured. He'd probably go to Noctis, he'd have stayed by his bed, day and night, barely eating, barely listening to anyone. And right now, he'd hold him, make him food, usher him back to bed, update him on the news and when they can leave for the train. All those things. But instead of all that he's just making up excuses for Gladio and Prompto and himself, just awkwardly standing around in a hotel hallway, not feeling worthy enough to get closer to Noctis.

But Ignis still wants to reach out to him. To comfort him, to feel him, to try and calm him down. And himself too in the process. To just hold on a little... to just calm down too. Not as a retainer, advisor, but as a person who had a bit of a scare.]

Would you like to go after the others?

[mcring]

[ The last thing Noctis wants is an apology. Of all people to be apologizing to him... It should be the other way around. But he can't get the words out, either. Shouldn't it be easier? After almost dying, if Luna hadn't— After almost losing Ignis, too. Shouldn't he be able to just pour his heart out to him now, say everything he's feeling, everything he's always felt, everything he almost never got to say? He shouldn't make the same mistake—

But he can't. What if it makes things worse? The only reason this happened is because of him; maybe if he'd pushed Ignis away sooner, if he didn't drag any of them into this—

But he doesn't want to be alone. He doesn't want to go running after Gladio and Prompto when they're probably sick of him, too. And taking care of Ignis on top of it. Noctis shakes his head, forgetting Ignis can't see it. ]

No, it's okay. I mean, I don't mind if...

[ It's selfish to want Ignis like he does, to want to drag him to bed and lock the door and never leave it. He can't do that, shouldn't and won't ask for it. They should get the others, like Ignis said. It's probably what Ignis wants, and they'd take better care of him, anyway. But the market... It's a long way to go, and Ignis is dressed well enough, but those burn scars on his face look awful, and his hair isn't even styled... For a guy who would wear a three piece suit every day if he could get away with it... He wouldn't want to go out looking like this, would he? And if he'd wanted to go with the other guys, he would've, wouldn't he? Prompto could've stayed instead.

Noctis just doesn't know. He's got no idea what Ignis is thinking right now, can only guess and wonder how much is wishful thinking, and how much is just an excuse to stay close to him. He asks anyway, at a loss for what else to say. ]

It's... probably just easier for you to stay here, right?

[houseofscientia]

[It's not different, Ignis realizes at Noctis's answer, this is the same as all those times they got hurt. It's the same. It's just... only a bit different. The depth of it. The way the others handle it is also different. But for them it shouldn't be different. Ignis always knew what to do when they were hit, when Noctis was hit... He was supposed to be there. And this time too, he will, he decided.]

Yes, I'd prefer to stay inside, for now.

[He'd feel the tension again, the one coming from self-consciousness. Ignis always tried to control every aspect of his life, down to the last tiny detail. And not having control over how his clothes look, how his hair looks... is excruciating. It doesn't mean he wasn't outside, but when he's tired he'd rather skip the experience. Trying to work up the courage for when they will have to leave to the Empire.

All this is scary, Ignis notes to himself. Losing control, when he needs it the most...

Ignis sighs and moves toward Noctis, then reaches out to him asking him in a silent motion to take his hand. Because he can't actually reach for it himself. Such a simple thing and yet Ignis can't do it. It almost makes him pull back and lie that he'd be happy to follow Gladio and Prompto out there. But he figures he'd ran enough. And his need for Noctis is stronger than his need to hide away.]

Let me take you back to bed.

[mcring]

[ If that's what Ignis wants, then they'll stay. Decision made easy as that. Noctis nods, and remembering this time, says out loud, too. ]

Yeah.

[ It's awkward, still. And painful, but at least it's something. It's all Noctis wants right now, to share Ignis' company, to talk, or to just sit and be miserable together. Doesn't matter, as long as Ignis is there. So having Ignis reach out for him like that.. It's even more than Noctis is expecting, and he hesitates, only out of surprise, before reaching and catching Ignis' hand in his, then in both of his. ]

Thanks.

[ It's exhaled like the breath has been punched out of him. The meaning's deeper than just an excuse to lie down again, a thanks for staying more than anything. The guilt and the grief and the concern haven't gone anywhere. But it's some place to start. He moves forward and ducks his head, refusing to look at Ignis as he wraps an arm under his waist and tugs him into walking towards the door. Not like it's far to go, and this is way more help than Ignis probably needs or wants, but.... It's an excuse to be closer to him, and Noctis can't help himself from taking that. ]

I'm still pretty exhausted. Just lying down for a while will be nice.

[ He lies, the same way he's been lying for a couple days now, but he can't help himself. The truth is too much to face right now. It's bad enough he has to open and close the door for them, and kick an ottoman out of the way of their steps, and make sure Ignis is seated on the bed okay before sitting himself. He shouldn't have to do any of this. Things shouldn't be this way. ]

[houseofscientia]

[How could he ever try to avoid Noctis, Ignis wonders when he feels that grip on his hand. He holds on too, listening to the relieved exhale and his heart breaks. He never wanted to leave this boy alone, he never wanted to avoid him. And he's glad Noctis asked for him again, subtly, but still, reminding him of his role. Of what he swore to do.

While Ignis thought he had enough of people touching him, steering him, he finds it welcoming when Noctis does. It's different, because it's Noctis. Because Ignis misses him, he misses being close, he misses seeing him... He leans against him a little as they walk that short distance back to the door in silence. He knows Noctis is probably alright to go, he isn't tired; not physically after all, but this time, Ignis takes that lie.

He doesn't say anything as Noctis leads him inside, it's enough for him to be close. It's enough. And his heart swells from pain and relief still. He reaches for Noctis' arm as he feels the mattress dip next to him. Ignis feels like a child in some way and he hates it, but as long as Noctis is there, it's fine. It'll be fine. He just wished he could gather more courage.]

Thank you. Want me to lay down with you?

[Because he can't just sit here. He can't watch Noctis anymore, but if he holds him, it'll be the same. Then Ignis can make sure that Noctis is there and safe, even if the only thing he can do for him is to just put his arms around him.]

[mcring]

[ Ignis reaching from his arm like that is such a small gesture, way less meaning in it than how he reached out in the hall, but... it still makes Noct's heart clench tight in his chest. It's nice to be needed, by Ignis especially, but... Not like this. He covers Ignis' hand in his again and links their fingers, and he doesn't let go again after that. It's hard to say whether it's habit or cowardice that has Noctis keeping his head down and looking at their joined hands instead of Ignis' scarred face. He doesn't want to think about it.

There's an old joke to be made here, about Ignis watching him sleep, paranoid like that. Noctis almost makes it, before he realizes that Ignis won't be watching anything. That's why he's offering, isn't it? Why he reached for his hand? Watching isn't enough anymore. He's got to watch with his hands now. Noctis squeezes his hand a little tighter without thinking about it, and he shuffles backwards on the bed, tugging Ignis by the hand to come with him. ]

As long as you don't mind me drooling on your shoulder.

[ The joke feels strained, and Noctis can't let it lie, still feels the need to tack on quietly right after. ]

...I'd like that.

[houseofscientia]

[The way they touch, the way they signal each other that the other is still important no matter what makes Ignis feel a bit of hope. But despair too. Will he ever be able to stand by Noctis again? The thought makes his stomach drop, make him feel colder than it actually is. It makes him hesitate. Does he have any right to be in this bed with Noctis, despite how he feels for him?

But then Noctis pulls him on the bed and cracks a joke, followed by his desire. Ignis swallows the lump in his throat. When will be the time when they both realize how utterly useless he had become? No, no there won't be such a time... it can't be. He has to get his sight back...

Without a word Ignis toes off his shoes, and moves further the bed to pull Noctis in an embrace, like they did so many times before. The movements make him aware how his body is still hurt, how they would need much more time to recover than what's granted to them. Yet Ignis doesn't mind, they have to go on...]

Are you feeling better, Noct?

[He can't help to ask. He knows it's not a good question and there's just no right answer to it. Yet, Ignis asks. Maybe because he wants to hear Noctis' voice, he wants to feel his breathing against his chest as he lays there. He can't see Noctis, but he wants everything else he has to offer him.]

[mcring]

[ Shoes, right. With a little hesitation, Noctis unties his own boots one-handed and kicks them off the side of the bed. The sound's loud, but he can't really help that, and he's curling back up into Ignis' arms right after, shoving a thigh between Ignis' legs and draping an arm over Ignis' waist, the one not already still holding his between them. He sighs against Ignis' collar, relaxing. But the question has him tensing right up again.

He doesn't answer immediately. If he did, it would be the same thing he's been saying, and it would be a lie. He doesn't want to lie to Ignis, not ever, and especially not now, when Ignis has to be feeling similar. Or different. Maybe worse, who knows? They need to talk about it, even if Noctis doesn't want to. He closes his eyes again and presses his mouth to Ignis' skin. ]

Physically, I guess.

[ It's not much of an answer, but it's all Noctis can manage just that second. He spent days crying, as soon as he woke up. The littlest thing set him off. He still kind of feels like that, like if he even tried to say her name out loud, the tears would come. He's tired of crying. He doesn't want to feel like this any more, has tried so hard to shove it all down. ]

Does it hurt?

[ It's not fair to turn it around on Ignis either, but... He needs to know. Voice a little quieter, face still pressed to Ignis' neck, he clarifies just what he's talking about. ]

It looks painful.

[houseofscientia]

[Yes, of course. Physically Noctis should be alright, but Ignis wonders if he'll ever be fine after what happened to his father, to Luna, to all of them. Noctis didn't deserve this, none of this.

As Noctis curls into him, falling against his body with practiced, familiar movements, Ignis sighs. It's easy to pretend that he has his eyes closed, and he doesn't want to open them. But if he would, he saw Noctis' face, his probably puffy eyes, the lines on his face, probably some bruises on him... Ignis remembers the last time he saw Noctis, it was the last time he had seen anything before the ring's flames claimed his sight.

He slides his hand up on Noctis' back, up his neck, to gently this his fingers into his hair, resting his palm against the back of his head. His fingers knead gently, barely noticeable. Everything feels like and smells like Noctis, despite the too clean sheets and the strange air of the room. Noctis is there, he's warm and alive and Ignis' heart skip a beat. For some reason, Noctis lips against his skin feels more intense and yet a bit more forbidden.]

Yes.

[He whispers his answer. He doesn't feel strong enough to say it louder. It hurts in a way a burn does, in a strange way where it feels like still burning. It's stabbing. Sharp and sometimes unbearable.]

It'll heal. It'll get better.

[It has to. It must. This can't stay like this, he can't stay like this...]

[mcring]

[ The confirmation, quiet as it is, is like a physical blow, and Noctis tries hard not to flinch. This shouldn't have happened. If he'd just been stronger, he could've protected them. Ignis... Luna... Everyone. The hands in his hair feel nice, but Noctis presses his face more against Ignis' neck instead, holding onto him tight. His face feels hot against Ignis' skin, but just feeling Ignis' skin, and his pulse pulse, is nice. Noct's voice is muffled and quiet, too. ]

I'm sorry.

[ Things like eyesight... don't just come back, do they? Maybe in his right eye, the less scarred one. Noctis isn't optimistic, but he's not going to discount hope, either. Ignis won't ever be the same, but maybe he'll be able to see again someday, like he said. The other wounds, the deeper ones, will heal too, Noctis knows. They'll be ugly scars, but he'll move on, just like Noct will. It's just going to take a while.

Nothing to do but wait. And in the meantime... He pulls back, just slightly. ]

Can I do something? I could get you some ice. Or something to drink.

[ There may be nothing he can do, nothing that would help, but the idea of just laying down and doing nothing while Ignis suffers is unbearable. ]

[houseofscientia]

It's not your fault.

[Noctis had done his part, he was fighting a god; he was taming a god. And Ignis and the rest were there to cover him while he does that. It was their duty, it was why they set off with Noctis in the first place and the faster Gladio and Prompto realizes that the faster they can accept this happening. They knew there will be sacrifices, they knew what they are getting into, and this is it!]

Just...

[Ignis starts, his lips quiver as he's trying to speak.]

Just this.

[He swallows in the end, pulling Noctis close.]

Just let me stay for a while.

[Because maybe one day he can't keep up. Maybe one day he won't be able to stay with Noctis and the rest, and they will go on, while Ignis has to fall behind. The more he feels the pain, the more he opens his eyes and sees nothing the more he remembers this, the more it scares him.]

[mcring]

[ It's absolution Ignis offers that Noctis can't really bring himself to believe. And Ignis shouldn't have to say it. Maybe he doesn't even believe it himself. But it doesn't matter. The blame is something Noctis is willing to shoulder. Has to. He's going to own the responsibility for all of this happening, and make sure nothing even close to it every happens to any of them again. What else can he do?

Not get ice, apparently. Because Ignis... wants him there? It doesn't make sense, after all the time he spent not coming to see him... When Noctis was sure just a little while ago that Ignis hated him. "Let me stay," he says, and it breaks Noct's heart to hear his voice shake like that, even as it swells to be pulled close, to feel needed despite how badly he screwed up. He lets himself tuck right back up against Ignis' chest and hugs him tight again. Is that what he's worried about? That Noctis would send him away?

It's... He's not wrong. Noctis has been thinking about it. It's part of why he's been putting all this off, the duty he has, the ring... He doesn't want to move on. It's safer for Ignis to stay here in Altissia while he and the others go to Gralea, but how the hell is he supposed to do anything without Ignis? His whole life, Ignis has been there for him... It's not a decision he wants to make. And is it still selfish to want Ignis to stay with him if it's what Ignis wants, too? ]

Ignis, I...

[ They need to talk about this sometime. But... Not right now. Later, when Ignis is healed. When Noctis doesn't feel like he's made of cracked glass just waiting to shatter. ]

Yeah. As long as you want.

[ He kisses Ignis' neck, and brings up their linked hands to kiss the back of Ignis' knuckles, and then he rests his head a little lower on Ignis' shoulder, readjusting his arms, staying close but getting comfortable. ]

[houseofscientia]

[For a moment, Ignis is sure that Noctis will send him away. It still could be the case. He tenses up, and he finds himself ready to beg. Beg for Noctis to just let him stay, just let him be close for a little while. Please. Ignis doesn't even want to imagine how his life would be without Noctis and the others, what he would do if he was left behind?

For a little while, he was the one avoiding Noctis, but for exactly this. Ignis didn't want to be reminded how he won't be able to let him go. Maybe keeping a little distance would have made things easier, but of course he couldn't do that. They couldn't do that. They spent most of their lives together, why would it change now?

Ignis knows he has to be the mature one here, like he always is. He should be the one offering to stay behind, so he won't drag the others down. But he can't. The same stubbornness tells him to go on as long as he could, which told him to put on the ring.]

Thank you...

[He stutters a breath at the kisses, at how Noctis lays against him once again. He'd miss him. He'd miss him terribly. Ignis would miss this boy more than his sight, more than anything he ever held precious and he's not ready. Not now, and he wonders if he'll ever be.]

Can I kiss you?

[Could be a question out of line. Noctis just lost his childhood friend, the one he was supposed to marry. But Ignis want to be just a little selfish for now, before he loses it all.]

[mcring]

[ The guilt tears at Noctis from the inside, at the thanks he doesn't deserve, at the question he's already asked himself a hundred times since he woke up in this same bed days ago with Ignis sitting there at his bedside, a constant in his life after everything. Even like this. Even scarred up, and hopeless. Even blind. Family, and home, and everything taken away from him... Cooking... driving... reading the newspaper... And he still wants to be with him?

It's painful for Noctis. Painful in ways he can't even imagine for Ignis. He can't even start to think about what's right for him, for either of them. It doesn't matter. He nods and leans up, doesn't hesitate, and kisses Ignis' mouth himself. Like Ignis even had to ask, like there will ever be a time when Noctis wouldn't want to kiss him. He could be dead, he could be dying— he kind of feels like he is. And he'd still always just want Ignis closer to him, as close as they can get. The kiss isn't a gentle acquaintance with Ignis' lips like it probably should be, for how much pain he must be in. It's desperate and needy, everything about Ignis' mouth is familiar, even after all this time, except for that scar on his lip.

He ended up like this, but he could've died, too. He could be gone, not just in another country, but gone forever, and what would Noctis do without him? ]

[houseofscientia]

[It feels like everything was taken from Ignis, indeed. Except one thing. One thing that he can still cling to, one thing that could still make him go on and maybe hope for healing. And it's Noctis. His presence, his closeness is what Ignis always wanted, always needed. Now more than ever, even if it's slipping from his grasp the more the days pass.

The kiss hurts, but Ignis still welcomes it, despite it reminds him that he's in pain. He kisses back with the same kind of desperation. He's not ready to let go, and he's not sure when he'll be. Maybe never...

He pulls away for just a second to breathe, but then kisses Noctis again. His throat is tight and his heart beats like he's running away. As if he'd just realize what happened back there by the altar. They almost died back there. Noctis almost died back there. If Ignis was too late or too weak, Noctis wouldn't be here. The thought is worse than any pain Ignis could feel, even if it was just a scare. A real one, but still.

Ignis wonders if he has the right to say what's in his heart out loud. Has he earned it? Or lost it? He isn't sure at all, but as long as he can keep kissing Noct, as long as he can keep close to him, it may be fine. Maybe Ignis will tell him before they have to part, as a gift.]

I'm- I'm glad you're here.

[It bubbles from his throat instead, against Noctis' mouth.]

[mcring]

[ Even just the gasping few seconds apart it takes to breathe feels like too long away from Ignis' mouth. His hands slide up Ignis' shirt to hold his neck, to feel more skin to skin, and he welcomes the next kiss with the same kind of neediness as the first. Noctis doesn't want it to end. The kiss... everything. If he can't just sleep through it all, he wants it to be just like this, in bed with Ignis, everything else forgotten, all attention on Ignis and nothing else. It can't stay this way... But for a while, as long as it lasts, this is how he wants things to be. "Glad" is an understatement, and the stutter in Ignis' voice still shakes right through him. How could he let this happen? He kisses Ignis through the words. ]

Me too.

[ Noctis doesn't want to think about it, about everything that happened, about what kind of hit Ignis took that did this to him, about how he survived it, about how much pain he's still in all this time later, and where they go from here. Whether they stay together or split up. He doesn't want to think about any of it, but he can't think with anything but his heart right now, and can't stop thinking. ]

I—

[ They can't talk about it now, shouldn't, but Noctis can't stop thinking about it. Even the warm press of Ignis' mouth isn't enough to shut it out. With a frustrated sound, he breaks the kiss and drops his head to mouth at Ignis' neck again, harder than before. He rocks, full-bodied against him, a thigh pressed between Ignis' legs, mouth hot on his throat. ]

I can't do this without you, Iggy.

[ He doesn't want to do any of what he knows he has to do, doesn't want to decide, doesn't ever want to leave this room. They've already lost so much time they could've been together. Why couldn't things just be normal and easy, like they used to be? Like back in Insomnia, when everything felt hard, but it was so much easier than this. His hands fist in Ignis' shirt, pulling it loose from his pants, giving him space to push his palms under the fabric and feel Ignis' bare stomach instead, more skin to touch, a warm, living distraction as he kisses Ignis' neck open-mouthed from his jaw down to his collar. ]

I need you.

[houseofscientia]

You don't have to...!

[Ignis wants it to be a promise. That Noctis never has to go without him. He wants to stay until his presence isn't a burden. When it becomes that, Ignis will stop, he will step back. But until then, please Astrals, let him stay with Noctis. Let him hold him and let him be held.

His breath trembles as he feels more of Noctis' hands on his neck, then at his stomach. Against his skin; it feels like something is burning him again, but in a different way. These flames won't blind him, they won't hurt him, quite the contrary. Ignis arches into Noctis' body, pulling up one of his legs to welcome Noctis against him, his whole body moving into Noctis'.

They shouldn't do this, they should talk, but what good would that bring? They can talk later, they both know what it will be about. They can do all that later, Ignis can break Noctis' heart later, along with his own. Right now? It's time to mourn, to celebrate, to just... try and hold on.

Noctis tells him that he needs him and Ignis shivers from the same desire.]

I'm here, I'll be here.

[He grabs a hold of Noctis' shirt and pulls at it, needing to touch him more, feeling his warmth, his heartbeat. To make sure this isn't the worst nightmare, just one nightmare among many.]

[mcring]

[ This is stupid, reckless. It's selfish, isn't it? Noctis should be the calm one here, should be reassuring about everything. He should just get ice for Ignis' head or something, sit with him, talk through it. But none of that would be even near close enough to what he really wants. And Ignis wants him too, is pulling him close and kissed him back just as hungrily, so why shouldn't they just take every little bit of comfort from each other's skin that they can? They're together, they're here for right now, and what better reason is that?

It dulls the pain a little bit. Or at least quiet's Noct's thoughts down. Ignis tugs at his shirt, and Noctis pulls it over his head. The couple bruises he's got aren't fully healed, but they don't hurt that much, and it's not like Ignis can see them right now to worry, anyway. It's weirdly reassuring, not to be looked at, to know Ignis' eyes are closed without even having to look. Noctis leans in again, and he's kissing Ignis' mouth before the shirt's even fully off his arms, rocking down against him, into the space Ignis has made for him between his thighs. That's all he wants, to touch Ignis like this, to hear it over and over what he said before, before he started avoiding him. That he won't leave, no matter what. That he'll be here, always reaching a hand out for him. ]

Say it again. Promise me, Ignis.

[ Noctis licks the bruised, red scar on Ignis' lip before kissing him again, while his hands work open the buttons of Ignis' shirt, rough fingers moving as quick as they can to get to more skin. ]

[houseofscientia]

[Running his fingers down Noctis' back, feeling old scars there calms Ignis down a bit. He's warm. And that warmth will be his salvation in the future, he already knows that. Noctis must be hurting too, in many ways, and Ignis hates it how he can't offer any proper help to him. Only this, only himself in the rawest form he can think of. The pace Noctis sets is fast, it's desperate and Ignis welcomes it with desperation of his own.

His hips arching to get more of that distraction Noctis offers and Ignis shamelessly takes. He wants this like he never wanted it before.]

Noct...

[He gasps for air as he feels Noctis' hot tongue against his scar. It hurts. But it's fine. Noctis could never hurt him, not even if he tried. Noctis could do anything to him.

Ignis' heart beats at his chest like it wants to run away. His hands are trembling as he cups Noctis' face, as if he could look into his eyes, as he promises once again.]

I won't leave you. I won't let you go alone, ever. I'll stand by you as long as you need me.

[It's more than a promise, it an oath. An oath Ignis signed with his own blood, with his own sight. One he could never break. So please, Astrals, Noctis, don't let him break it... Right now he's shaking under the weight of it, struggling to keep it. And for what reason? Only so he can stay with Noctis until the very end. Not because of Lucis, not because of the future, but for Noctis only.]

[mcring]

[ The scar tissue on his back is thicker, and Ignis' fingers there don't feel as pronounced to him there as anywhere else, the feeling dead. So when Noctis shivers at the touch, it's for another reason. He knows the scars don't matter to Ignis, that he gets touched there the same as everywhere else. But Ignis knows the history of them too, spent days at Noct's bedside as the wounds healed. Neither of them will forget what happened, what he lost and what else he was so close to losing that day. And now the scars on Ignis' face are the same. He wears those dark glasses like Noctis wears shirts to swim, and with Noct's shirt off now and Ignis' hands on him, he feels entitled to slide his thumbs under the frames and pull Ignis' glasses off gently, and carefully set them aside.

He doesn't want to lean away from Ignis' hands, and he's quick to lean right back in, to kiss his mouth and ask, eyes lowered so he doesn't loss his nerve, voice choked. ]

Then why did you?

[ He doesn't really want to know. If it's because Ignis hated him, or he was scared... He can't think of any answer that isn't awful, and heartbreaking, and maybe Noctis could've gotten through it a week ago, whatever happened with them and this weird thing they have together, but right now, he couldn't take Ignis' rejection on top of everything, no matter what his reason. Even if he did deserve it, which right now, Noctis is sure he does. Ignis deserves to hate him, he deserves to be safe away from him, but Noctis just can't even consider giving him that right now. He holds tight to him instead, hands smoothing over his bare chest under his open shirt, mouth demanding kisses between every rushed word. ]

Don't just sit outside my door. Don't avoid me. You want to be with me, right?

[ "As long as you need me," like Noctis is ever going to stop, like there will ever be a time he won't need Ignis with him. After what happened... He needs Ignis more than ever, and he's trying to say it, but he's just so bad at talking about anything. He should've... Days ago, he should've explained everything, begged Ignis to stay instead of letting him walk away with more empty promises again, but Noctis can't get the words to come out right. But he tries anyway, tries to make up for unforgivable mistakes and lost time with needy kisses and hands pressed over Ignis' skin, down his chest and stomach to pry open his belt, still panting against his mouth. ]

So be with me.

[houseofscientia]

[Ignis's first reaction to his glasses being moved is to freeze on the spot. No, don't take it away. It hides the scars, the pain, the things he would never show to Noctis. Ignis always tried to keep all that away from Noctis, he already had so much to bear, and Ignis never wanted to put more on his shoulders. But before he could mutter a 'no' Noctis speaks again, making him lose all his words.

'Don't ask me' he would say. 'It's shameful' he would answer. It's a disgrace, his reason. It was because he was a coward. And idiot. A cripple. He still is. And yet, after all that, he still wants to cling to Noctis. Still wants to demand to be with him.

He feels relief when Noctis demands him like this. When he questions him like this. When he scolds him like this. Because it means Noctis truly wants him there. And it may be because he's scared and hurting too, but Ignis takes it. His whole existence is to soothe Noctis' troubles, or at least try, after all.]

I'm sorry, I'm- I'm sorry.

[Ignis apologizes between kisses, holding onto Noctis' neck, feeling his pulse, which is fast and steady. Alive. He repeats the words again, but they are jumbled from need and from the effort he makes to try and get them through his tight throat. His eyes burn, his throat's tight and his chest is heavy. He feels weak and this is exactly why he was avoiding Noctis; he already looks so weak, and he doesn't want to act like that too. Yet as Noctis still touches him, it renders him useless.]

[mcring]

[ It's rough and it's painful this way, and Noctis knows that, but he doesn't know how else to be right now, how to feel anything that isn't pain. Everything's still too fresh, too raw, like the burns on Ignis' face. Hiding won't make it any better. That's all Noctis has been doing for days, hiding from everybody, from the world, from himself. Maybe this isn't the right way forward, but he feels just as blind as Ignis right now, stumbling in what he feels like the right direction might be. They're going to have to drag themselves together eventually and leave Altissia, and the only direction Noctis wants to go in now is the one Ignis is going in, too. Everything's falling apart, which just means holding tighter to the pieces he has left, to the people he cares about most. To Ignis. He kisses his mouth through the apologies, swallowing them down, shakes his head just a little, right where he is, in Ignis' hands, pressed up against him. ]

Don't be.

[ His hands push over Ignis' hips, finding more skin to touch while he kisses Ignis' cheek beneath the scars, and his jaw, and his neck just under his ear. He hates seeing him like this, more than the bruised red skin and glassy eyes... The shaking, the stuttering, the apologies... It all cuts right through him. But how can he fix anything when he keeps screwing everything up? He can't hope to make things better. There's no fixing this. There's just admitting what he needs, what he's always needed, more than a clean apartment or mended clothes or hot meals, and hoping that wanting something, somebody, is enough to make it real.

He lifts his his head to knock their foreheads together, and nuzzle the scarred bridge of Ignis' nose, and breathe against his lips, the words more important than desperate kisses right now, just for a second, just long enough to get this out. ]

I don't need you to protect me, Iggy, or to fight with me. I just... Just be with me. Just don't leave, okay? Stay with me.

[houseofscientia]

[Does Noctis realize how powerful his words are? That Ignis could stay with him not as a retainer, advisor, or a bodyguard? Does he realize how liberating it sounds? So much that it overwhelms Ignis more than anything else. It's not fair. For all his life, it was told to him that he is Prince Noctis' retainer, that he is one of his loyal servants, and he knew it's not entirely like that. Yet, his core still believes he has no use to Noctis if all his skills and duties are stripped away. And then Noctis goes and straight out tells him that it's not like that.

Ignis needs to breathe, but he kisses Noctis.

He wants to hide again, but he doesn't, arching up into all those touches, offering anything and everything Noctis wants.

His lips tremble, as he kisses back, his eyes shut tight, even if the greyness behind his eyelids not change at all. But he can feel them burn from something else than the injuries. It's just too much. Noctis offered the only thing that would make him the happiest and yet he's still reluctant to take it. They don't have the luxury for that. While Noctis needs him, he has more use of the others for now, of people who don't need help to even walk down a damn corridor.]

I won't be a burden, Noct. I promise I won't.

[His hand slide lower on Noctis back, once again feeling up the scars there. THe past there. Their childhood there... Sliding to the waistline of his shorts, his fingers sneaking under them to feel more. It feels forbidden, like one of the first time they did it, but Ignis doesn't hesitate this time like he did back then.]

[mcring]

[ The kisses are welcome, more welcome than breathing, and Noctis leans into them, arches against him, pushing down firmly to feel more skin on skin where their bare chests meet, and good as it is, it's the slide of Ignis' hands down the back of his pants that has him making a needy sound into Ignis' mouth.

He might be a burden; that's the problem. If Ignis can't fight, not even to defend himself... He's a liability, and Noctis knows that. It doesn't just put them at risk, it puts Ignis at risk, which is so much worse. But they'll just have to protect him. If Ignis wanted to stay behind, that would be one thing. But if he really wants to be with Noctis, like he's saying he does, not just in words, but with those kisses and the pull of his hands... there's no way Noctis could leave him behind. They'll work it out. Because even if Ignis never gets his sight back, never fights, or cooks, or drives again, or anything else Noct's come to rely on him for... ]

You're not. You're—

[ He'll never be a burden to Noctis. He's so much more than that. Ignis is everything to him. He loves him, more than anybody, more than anything... But Noctis still can't get the words out. They stay stuck right on the tip of his tongue. If he can't say it now, after everything that happened here... He's never going to be able to say it. But he can still hope that maybe he will, if they get through all this, if they live long enough. Maybe when it's all over, he'll be able to put into words what he's always felt, instead of always feeling it stuck in his throat. ]

You won't be. That's my job, remember?

[ For now, though... he just says what he can with eager kisses, and the roll of his body as he covers Ignis' hands with his and helps to shove his pants and boxers down, and kick it all aside. He's not aroused yet, not even close to distracted enough for that, but just baring everything right now is what's important. It feels important, anyway. Noctis works on getting the rest of Ignis' clothes off him next, and when he finds a breath between deep kisses to say something again, he says what's easier than the whole truth, something well-rehearsed, because it's better than saying nothing. ]

Take care of me.

[ He wants to see Ignis smile again. He wants to make stupid puns and laugh with him. That's what he really wants. But for right now... Touching him like this will have to be enough. ]

[houseofscientia]

[Ignis gasps for air as Noctis jokes. He wants to laugh, but his eyes water instead. Noctis is alright, Noctis is fine, he finally- finally realizes that. This isn't a dream, this is real. Noctis is alive and real and Ignis has never loved him more than in that moment. It could be relief over the fact that they have a bit more time together. That they could spend it by each other's side.

Things may not go back to the way they were. Even if Ignis gets his sight back, it will be different. Because they both are different from when they set off on this journey. But some things remained and will remain: Ignis will love Noctis until the end of times. And he will take care of him, forever. He never has to ask, it goes without saying. Noctis will never ask him not to, it will be Ignis's decision when he will have to stop. It will be the hardest he'll even have to make and he's not feeling himself strong enough just yet.]

I wish all burden would be as sweet to bear as you.

[He whispers, because he can't get his voice working. He feels too weak and too overwhelmed; too choked up. He then cups the back of Noctis's head, to kiss him, and to gently push at his chest. Ignis slowly rolls them over, so he can cover the other's body with his, now that they have no clothes to separate them anymore. His breath is still shaking as he starts kissing down on Noctis' neck. Taking care of Noctis means he has to see if he's fine, and without his eyes, he can only check it with his lips and fingers.]

[mcring]

[ That's... probably the most romantic thing anybody's ever said to Noctis, definitely the most romantic thing Ignis has ever said to him. Noct's heart flutters and his face warms up, and the next kiss feels gentler than the ones before. There's overwhelming guilt, still. That and the grief he feels like a hard pit in his stomach aren't going away any time soon. But he feels warmer and more relaxed all at once than he has since... since Cape Caem, maybe. That little house on the water they shared, the one that belonged to his dad. Just the lighthouse, the water, the four of them and the kids, playing darts and planting vegetables like they were a family, like there wasn't a war going on just outside their door. Maybe they can go back there, after everything. It's nice to think about, to imagine they're still in one of those beds there instead.

Noctis leans back easily as he's pushed, pulling Ignis with him, sliding his hands over his hips and his sides, resting his hands on Ignis' neck because he's afraid to bring them higher, afraid to touch the raw burns sliced through Ignis' face and hurt him by just trying to wipe away his tears. He kisses him, though. Warmly, slowly, until Ignis kisses his neck instead and Noctis is forced to breathe. He lets his eyes close and his head fall back, offering more of his neck, arching up towards Ignis' lips, and hands, and body, still holding onto his shoulders. Sight's not important right now, for either of them. Some things don't have to change. This... All the misunderstandings, the fights, the inconveniences, but this is something that will never change between them. He's always going to want Ignis like this, is never going to want anybody else this close to him. ]

Do I taste sweet? Feel like I'd be bitter.

[ He jokes, voice low and quiet, while his thighs slide against Ignis' hips and his hands trace over his ribs and the muscles of his chest. It's a play on what Ignis said before. Hard not to feel bitter about this, about everything, but if there's one person who makes him want to be better than he feels like he is, to stay hopeful, it's Ignis. ]

[houseofscientia]

Sweet or bitter, it doesn't matter. I like both.

[Ignis assures gently. Sweet like orange sponge cake, bitter like coffee. He feels the tension leaving Noctis' muscles and it affects him too. He's relaxing just a bit, too. Pretending that he only has his eyes closed as he kisses down Noctis' shoulder toward one of his arms.

It's skin that he's overly familiar with, yet, as he's tasting it, kissing at it, and runs his finger over it, it feels new. New, but still precious and treasured. Ignis takes his time kissing at all the tips of Noctis' fingers, then inside his palm before he would press his cheek against it. It's warm. It feels like he's melting away, and he doesn't want to stop it.

Ignis guides Noctis' hand to the back of his neck, as he goes to tend to his other arm too. Kissing and caressing the skin on his way, just to greet Noctis' fingers once again with a kiss of their own.

When the arms are done, Ignis moves back to Noctis' chest. He kisses lower, toward his heart, and when he reaches it, Ignis stops. He presses his lips against the skin, not moving for a moment. Then he turns his head and presses his ear against Noctis' chest, to just listen to his heartbeat. The heartbeat he almost died to protect. But it worth it, because it has the most beautiful melody against Ignis' ear. It makes him smile a little too. Makes him love Noctis even more, if that's even possible.

Maybe in a different life, a different time, he could listen to Noctis' heartbeat before his first coffee in the morning and before he goes to sleep. It's just too much to ask for that in this life, but dreaming about it, pretending always makes it easier. Right?]

[mcring]

[ The attention Ignis is giving him is so slow, so reverent, it's almost too much for Noctis to take. It's all he can do to keep still as Ignis kisses down his arm, all the way to his fingertips. Noctis feels almost like he can't breathe. it's painful, but a good kind of pain, like being kissed to breathlessness or hugged too tightly. He feels dizzy with it, with how much Ignis loves him. Like warm syrup filling his lungs, drowning him, and he just wants more of it. ]

Right, I forgot. ...You like bitter more.

[ Noctis prefers things sweet. Sugar in his coffee. Syrupy fruit in his pastries. Ignis in bed. This is an indulgence, and Noctis knows he's being spoiled right now, should be doing more to give back. But he doesn't. He's content to just soak up everything Ignis is giving him, every gentle kiss to his arms and palms and fingertips, to his collar and chest, while his hands smooth over Ignis' shoulders and his neck, and his cheeks when they're offered, and into his hair after that. It takes him a long couple seconds to realize that Ignis isn't just leaning against him, that he's listening to his heartbeat, and Noct's heart races a little faster with the realization, self-consciousness and guilt creeping in. Ignis had it so much worse, is injured in a way that didn't just knock him out for a couple days... But Ignis was still just worried about him instead.

Noct's voice is thick, arms rested on Ignis' shoulders, fingers carding through his hair. If they could just stay like this... If he could just keep Ignis right here in his arms, in bed, just like this... That would be perfect. ]

Lucky for me.

[ If only they really were that lucky. But for right now... At least they are that lucky right now. They almost didn't even have this much. With less teasing, Noctis affirms it. ]

I'm really lucky.

[houseofscientia]

[Ignis sighs as he listens to Noctis' voice through his chest, right next to his heartbeat. It's a sign that he's alive. Another sign. Amongst many.

It's questionable who is the lucky one, Ignis wonders. Because he could save Noctis, and he's alive to speak to him, to let Ignis listen to his heartbeat. If anyone's lucky here, it's Ignis to have this. His hands strokes the sides of Noctis, affectionate and slow. He can feel the bruises under his fingertips. The scratches. The other injuries. It worries him, but the fact that he can feel them hot under his touch just shows that Noctis is still fighting. And will fight till the end.

Ignis slowly lays against Noctis, presses against him with his body, feeling him all over. He lets out a sigh, his lips pressed against his chest, over his heart. This is good. He wanted this. He wanted to hold Noctis, listen to his heartbeat, and he wanted to be held by those arms too.

He's trying to think about the here and the now, and not of the future. Where he will struggle to stay with the others and may fall out too. He doesn't want to think about the vision he saw of Noctis. Older. And dying. Alone. Maybe that's why Ignis was so reluctant to leave him, despite all logic. Because if there's at least a small chance to prevent that, he will try it.]

Shall we stay like this for a while?

[He wants to. It soothing. It's like a break from all that awfulness outside. Ignis really isn't someone who would be in denial, or run away. But this time, he feels a little tired and he wouldn't want to be anywhere else right now, but laying against Noctis, just enjoying his warmth.]

[mcring]

[ Even with the cuts scabbed and bruised over, and the the burns on Ignis' face gone waxy, there's still a lot of healing they both have left to do. Inside and out. Noctis feels guilty for how much time he's been spending in his room, and how he's been dragging his feet. It's not like he needs a wheelchair to get around. Ignis has been way more productive these past couple days, Noct's sure, and he can't even see. That guilt Noctis feels is well deserved. ...But. If lying in bed together slows Ignis down a little, that's good, right? They both need this, and if Ignis says it's alright... Noctis can't bring himself to feel badly about it. ]

Mm... Sounds nice.

[ He hums, fingers still absently petting through Ignis' hair, face turned down to enjoy the sight of Ignis relaxed against him. It's nice, a perfect kind of moment, even for all they've lost, even with the scars. Though, a shiver of fear goes through Noctis at the thought of staying like this for too long, and he glances up nervously towards the closed door. There aren't any cars in Altissia, so it takes a while to get around. But the guys can only take so long shopping... And Noctis really would die of embarrassment if they caught them naked cuddling like this. Reluctantly, he admits. ]

I should, uh, probably lock the door, though.

[houseofscientia]

[Ignis opens his eyes as Noctis speaks. And he sees nothing and for just a part of a moment he's confused. He got so relaxed there, so calm with Noctis finally close that he forgot... Which showed that truly, Noctis could make him relax in every situation possible. But coming back to reality still is a bit difficult.]

Ah, yes. It's be slightly uncomfortable if they would barge in like that.

[He mutters softly and reluctantly moving off of Noctis. But then he realizes that Noctis plans to close that door. And it will be faster too if he does. So Ignis just nods again, swallowing. He could close the door he knows the general direction of it. He remembered the route they took when Noctis guided him inside. But does he? Such a simple task became a bit like planning a mission.]

I apologize I should've thought of that sooner.

[mcring]

[ That break of the tenuous peace they've found is the last thing Noctis wants. But that's the whole point of shutting the door. Just... take care of it, shut it all out. He doesn't mind being the one to do it. ]

You don't always have to think of everything, you know.

[ Being away from that nest of warm in Ignis' arms is a little startling, after being wrapped up in it for a couple long, comfortable minutes. The room outside the bed feels cold, now. Being naked probably has a lot to do with it. Noctis should probably feel less awkward about that now, since it's not like Ignis can see his bare ass walking away to judge him for the lack of muscle or... ass, or whatever, but he feels the same kind of awkward, anyway.

At least it's a quick trip to lock the door and climb back into bed. A lot quicker than it would've been for Ignis, and that's not exactly an easy thought, either. Back when he was stuck in a wheelchair all those years ago, it was awful. Even just trying to get into bed himself was a struggle, never mind trips to the bathroom late at night or whatever. Being blind's got to feel even worse.

But that's something to worry about later. Back in bed, Noctis kicks the sheets around and buries himself and Ignis under them before pressing right up against him again. He kisses Ignis because he can, because they can, in no kind of rush to do anything else. ...At least until he's thinking better of it, and with a little annoyed grunt, he leans over Ignis and grabs his phone from the bedside table. Might as well text Prompto, too, before they notice Ignis is missing and freak out. Happily using Ignis as a pillow as he taps away on his phone, he muses. ]

How long d'you think we can hole up in here before we get dragged out?

[ "Forever" definitely isn't the answer, and Noctis knows it, but... Would be nice. ]

[houseofscientia]

[Ignis bites his lips in, because... because he does. He has to think about everything. It's his job. But he doesn't say that out loud. He sits back on his heels, listening to Noctis walk to the door and lock it. He counted the steps, he noted how much it would take for him to get to the door. He also tried to note the route Noctis took, which probably has no obstacles. Ignis made a mental note to make that walk next time alone.

When Noctis is back, it's easy to fall with him again. Easy to touch him and press against him and lay down, holding him. He's there, in more than one way and Ignis once again calms down.]

Long enough, don't worry.

[He answers vaguely. He's sure Gladio would drag them to eat for reasons when night falls. But that will be more than enough. Tomorrow's another day. And he's healing. They are both healing. And they have the Leviathan by their side, thanks to Noctis. They had losses, but their victory wasn't something small either. Ignis likes to believe, that it'll be fine... So until then Ignis will just reach for Noctis' hair, and gently sliding his fingers into it, petting at him. And pretending he just has his eyes closed.]