[Ignis has only a little recollection of what happened. Not of the fine details, but he knows what happened. He knows what he did and why. He prayed for forgiveness, he remembers that one clearly.

He prayed for forgiveness, that Noctis will understand that he had no other way. He prayed, that if he died, Noctis would understand. He prayed that if he meets His Highness King Regis in the afterlife, he would forgive him too for leaving his son alone.

Waking up in pain that ran deeper than his body, with one of his senses robbed of him, with a ringing in his ear was the thing that scared Ignis the most about it all. Not the fight itself, but that he still has Noctis to protect and he may not be able to.

He heard the way Gladio's voice deepened as he updated him about the situation. He heard the way Prompto's voice broke every time he was trying to talk to him. Ignis hated both, because it reminded him how all of them were so scared. So scared. But no one would say a word about it. That's why he took it upon himself to offer Noctis, and with that the others too, to stop this all. Stop the journey, stop this madness and go home. Or escape.

And when Noctis refused, Ignis had never been more proud of him. It made everything worth it, it showed that Noctis is ready. Yet, as a sick twist of fate, Ignis felt he himself isn't. So when he walked out of Noctis' room after that conversation, he never wanted to return. He didn't want Noctis to be reminded of what happened, he already had a lot to deal with by losing Lady Lunafreya too. And Ignis knew how he would feel about seeing him injured too. Maybe it was also vanity on Ignis' part. Feeling the scars on his face, he wondered just how ugly they are. It truly mustn't be a sight anyone would want to look at. But he'll check them when he has his vision back...

They aren't ready to go on. They all need to heal and rest and Altissia is letting them stay that little time they need. It also means there are no hunts, no driving, no busy days, just waiting and supposedly healing. Ignis hates it. It leaves too much time to think. A few times he asked Prompto to help him walk to the market, but he came back with more tension than he left with.

The worst thing, however, that Ignis realized he started to avoid Noctis. He was usually by his side when he would be sleeping, all the other times he asked Gladio or even Prompto to keep vigil. Those times he'd sit on the sofa outside the hotel room and listen quietly to the radio if there's any news about the Empire, or if the hunters have any updates. Just like he does now.]
mcring: (heaven help us)

From: [personal profile] mcring


[ Once Noctis is awake, he wishes he wasn't. It was a lot to take in. The battle with Leviathan and the Empire, the power Luna gave him... The ring that sits in the Armiger now like a physical weight on his shoulders, bearing him down.

Luna's gone. It almost doesn't feel real, because for so long, she was never around. But Umbra doesn't visit again, and the notebook's still in a drawer in his hotel room with no response beyond the flower on the last page. No response ever again.

He sleeps a lot. It's easy. He felt tired and sore at first; it was a struggle just to sit up, to look in Ignis' direction. His body ached. It's easy to draw that out for days longer than he feels it, to sleep overly long, to stay in bed. The meals brought to him by the guys are from the hotel staff. He doesn't know how much any of this costs. He doesn't ask. Ignis doesn't bring it up. Nothing's like it used to be between them.

It gets to him eventually. Not the misery, not the grief and loss. Noctis wears those like a second skin, now. The loss of his dad was hard. Losing Luna is even harder. But he's lived through hell before. This is different, because back then, he had his friends to support him. Gladio's disapproval, Prompto's unrelenting cheer. They're hurting and he's disappointing them, but they're used to that from him, too, and Noctis is used to letting them down. It's not until he realizes that Ignis has stopped visiting his room that Noctis breaks. Nothing's every going to be how it used to be.

Concern and fear feel like the same thing to Noctis, but whatever it is, it's good motivation. He gets out of bed and doesn't just go stare off his balcony. He takes a shower instead for the first time in a couple days, and puts on clean clothes. The first few steps out of his room hit him with a weird sense of agoraphobia, like he's going to walk out onto that alter, or into a field of sylleblossoms, like in his dreams. He walks out into a hotel hallway instead. With a steadying exhale, he turns, ready to find his way downstairs... Only to stop after a couple steps, because there's Ignis sitting there outside the door, a radio next to him reporting the lack of news.

Noctis inhales, mouth open to say something, but he closes it again, not sure what to say. Ignis is... He's like this because of him. He'll never read a newspaper again, or drive again, or a million other things because of him. Noctis is sure Ignis hates him; why else would he stop visiting like that? And he's got ever right to. But here he is, sitting outside his room, so close, and so completely out of reach. Noctis doesn't know what to say, where to even start, so he doesn't say anything. Turning around, going back into his room or just walking by... He can't do any of that, either. The moment hangs. ]
mcring: (disenchanted)

From: [personal profile] mcring


[ If Noctis really put his mind to it, he could find out how many days had passed since... Since it all happened. He doesn't know how long he was knocked out for, drained of everything, bolstered by the last strains of Luna's magic until it faded and he was really left alone. He'd think it was longer than it was, months instead of hours, at least days, except that he can see it right there on Ignis' face just how long it's been. The burns around his eyes, not hidden well enough by his glasses, are raw and red, only just starting to heal. He'd thought Ignis had been avoiding him forever, since he'd yelled at him that they couldn't turn back, but maybe it hadn't been that long at all. It only feels like it.

Ignis fumbles just to turn off the radio and it's painful to watch. The guilt is overwhelming. It's just one word, just an acknowledgement, but Noct's throat feels closed tight. He chokes it out, because that guilt won't let him stay quiet, not when Ignis can't see him. ]


Yeah.

[ What else is he supposed to say? Get angry again? He wants to turn around and throw himself back into bed, maybe never leave it this time, but it'd be obvious what he was doing, so he can't. He's stuck there in that spot, looking down at the man who lost so much because of him. Ignis can't fight like this. They can't drag him along to some place as dangerous as Gralea, but they can't leave him behind, either. What the hell is he supposed to do? Anger and frustration burning in him like fuel, Noctis looks down the hallway in both directions and asks. ]

Where're the guys?

[ They really didn't expect him to go wandering off on his own, apparently. But what about Ignis? They just left him alone like this? ]
mcring: (crawling)

From: [personal profile] mcring


They just left you?

[ How could they do that? Did they both need to go? Ignis probably insisted, but why the hell would they let him? How could they leave Ignis alone when he's... like this? Noctis is angry about it, and he clings to that. Anger feels so much better than everything else.

"You should go back and rest." The words sting. It's just a reminder of all the time he's wasting, of how much he's recovered and dragged it out anyway, of how much Ignis hasn't, and won't. Of how Ignis has been avoiding him. Is he trying to get rid of him? Why wouldn't he? Look what Noctis did to him.

It hurts, everything hurts. He doesn't want to talk about food. His stomach feels hollow, but he isn't hungry at all, feels sick instead. Ignis can't even cook like this... He can't even cook and he's still trying to feed him. Noctis feels like he might shake apart, is glad Ignis can't see the stricken look on his face, and then feels immediately, painfully guilty for even thinking that, that he might be glad Ignis is blind, even for a second, for a stupid reason like that. His voice is thick, unsteady, mixed with anger and grief that he can't hold back. ]


How long have you been out here?
mcring: (you and I we'll fly home)

From: [personal profile] mcring


[ The excuses still don't make it better, as far as Noctis is concerned. How could the hell could they just leave him? Why weren't they together to start with? How did this even happen?

But Noctis doesn't have any room to talk. He left Ignis alone, too. He blew all his strength on a god and couldn't protect the people he cared about it for it. He was asleep when this happened to Ignis, and now, he was still sleeping right through it all, whatever Ignis needs, Noctis hasn't been there for him. Just one more reason for Ignis to hate him. And Prompto and Gladio have been picking up his slack up until now. He can't even stay angry at them. He's just mad at himself.

But where does that leave them? Ignis, who has to touch a wall to know he's not blocking the hallway? Noctis, who feels useless to help him, who can't even help himself? "Don't you worry," he says, like Noctis could ever stop. It's been days since he's seen Ignis before this. The only reason he even thought about leaving his room was to go find him, and now that he has... He's stuck wondering if maybe that was a bad idea. ]


Do you... want to be alone?

[ The others will be back soon. Ignis has the radio, at least, to feel like he's being productive, or whatever. Being around Noctis can only make him feel worse. He shouldn't have gone looking for Ignis at all. If Ignis doesn't want to be near him... Maybe that's better for him. ]
mcring: (every snowflake is different)

From: [personal profile] mcring


[ That's not an answer, and it's not really an accusation either, though it feels like one. Of course he doesn't want to be alone; of course he always wants Ignis there for company, even when he's mad at the whole world. But he's been mad at Ignis before and pushed him away. Maybe Ignis really was just waiting for him to leave his room to come and find him, or maybe it's something else. He used to think he knew Ignis better than anybody, but this is.... They've never been through something like this before, not even when Insomnia fell. Nothing's like it was before, and Noctis doesn't know where he stands now. With Ignis, with the others... With anybody.

But he knows where he wants to stand. He lifts his chin, the same kind of old habit. His voice strengthens with it, anyway. ]


Would've stayed in my room if I did.

[ That place is with Ignis by his side. It always has been, and always will be. Even like this, even if Ignis hates him for it. It feels selfish, but Noctis doesn't know how to feel any other way. He wants Ignis to stay behind, to be safe, but... He doesn't want to lose him, too. What the hell are they supposed to do? ]
mcring: (from the earth to the morgue)

From: [personal profile] mcring


[ The last thing Noctis wants is an apology. Of all people to be apologizing to him... It should be the other way around. But he can't get the words out, either. Shouldn't it be easier? After almost dying, if Luna hadn't— After almost losing Ignis, too. Shouldn't he be able to just pour his heart out to him now, say everything he's feeling, everything he's always felt, everything he almost never got to say? He shouldn't make the same mistake—

But he can't. What if it makes things worse? The only reason this happened is because of him; maybe if he'd pushed Ignis away sooner, if he didn't drag any of them into this—

But he doesn't want to be alone. He doesn't want to go running after Gladio and Prompto when they're probably sick of him, too. And taking care of Ignis on top of it. Noctis shakes his head, forgetting Ignis can't see it. ]


No, it's okay. I mean, I don't mind if...

[ It's selfish to want Ignis like he does, to want to drag him to bed and lock the door and never leave it. He can't do that, shouldn't and won't ask for it. They should get the others, like Ignis said. It's probably what Ignis wants, and they'd take better care of him, anyway. But the market... It's a long way to go, and Ignis is dressed well enough, but those burn scars on his face look awful, and his hair isn't even styled... For a guy who would wear a three piece suit every day if he could get away with it... He wouldn't want to go out looking like this, would he? And if he'd wanted to go with the other guys, he would've, wouldn't he? Prompto could've stayed instead.

Noctis just doesn't know. He's got no idea what Ignis is thinking right now, can only guess and wonder how much is wishful thinking, and how much is just an excuse to stay close to him. He asks anyway, at a loss for what else to say. ]


It's... probably just easier for you to stay here, right?
mcring: (astro zombies)

From: [personal profile] mcring


[ If that's what Ignis wants, then they'll stay. Decision made easy as that. Noctis nods, and remembering this time, says out loud, too. ]

Yeah.

[ It's awkward, still. And painful, but at least it's something. It's all Noctis wants right now, to share Ignis' company, to talk, or to just sit and be miserable together. Doesn't matter, as long as Ignis is there. So having Ignis reach out for him like that.. It's even more than Noctis is expecting, and he hesitates, only out of surprise, before reaching and catching Ignis' hand in his, then in both of his. ]

Thanks.

[ It's exhaled like the breath has been punched out of him. The meaning's deeper than just an excuse to lie down again, a thanks for staying more than anything. The guilt and the grief and the concern haven't gone anywhere. But it's some place to start. He moves forward and ducks his head, refusing to look at Ignis as he wraps an arm under his waist and tugs him into walking towards the door. Not like it's far to go, and this is way more help than Ignis probably needs or wants, but.... It's an excuse to be closer to him, and Noctis can't help himself from taking that. ]

I'm still pretty exhausted. Just lying down for a while will be nice.

[ He lies, the same way he's been lying for a couple days now, but he can't help himself. The truth is too much to face right now. It's bad enough he has to open and close the door for them, and kick an ottoman out of the way of their steps, and make sure Ignis is seated on the bed okay before sitting himself. He shouldn't have to do any of this. Things shouldn't be this way. ]
mcring: (vampires will never hurt you)

From: [personal profile] mcring


[ Ignis reaching from his arm like that is such a small gesture, way less meaning in it than how he reached out in the hall, but... it still makes Noct's heart clench tight in his chest. It's nice to be needed, by Ignis especially, but... Not like this. He covers Ignis' hand in his again and links their fingers, and he doesn't let go again after that. It's hard to say whether it's habit or cowardice that has Noctis keeping his head down and looking at their joined hands instead of Ignis' scarred face. He doesn't want to think about it.

There's an old joke to be made here, about Ignis watching him sleep, paranoid like that. Noctis almost makes it, before he realizes that Ignis won't be watching anything. That's why he's offering, isn't it? Why he reached for his hand? Watching isn't enough anymore. He's got to watch with his hands now. Noctis squeezes his hand a little tighter without thinking about it, and he shuffles backwards on the bed, tugging Ignis by the hand to come with him. ]


As long as you don't mind me drooling on your shoulder.

[ The joke feels strained, and Noctis can't let it lie, still feels the need to tack on quietly right after. ]

...I'd like that.
mcring: (action cat)

From: [personal profile] mcring


[ Shoes, right. With a little hesitation, Noctis unties his own boots one-handed and kicks them off the side of the bed. The sound's loud, but he can't really help that, and he's curling back up into Ignis' arms right after, shoving a thigh between Ignis' legs and draping an arm over Ignis' waist, the one not already still holding his between them. He sighs against Ignis' collar, relaxing. But the question has him tensing right up again.

He doesn't answer immediately. If he did, it would be the same thing he's been saying, and it would be a lie. He doesn't want to lie to Ignis, not ever, and especially not now, when Ignis has to be feeling similar. Or different. Maybe worse, who knows? They need to talk about it, even if Noctis doesn't want to. He closes his eyes again and presses his mouth to Ignis' skin. ]


Physically, I guess.

[ It's not much of an answer, but it's all Noctis can manage just that second. He spent days crying, as soon as he woke up. The littlest thing set him off. He still kind of feels like that, like if he even tried to say her name out loud, the tears would come. He's tired of crying. He doesn't want to feel like this any more, has tried so hard to shove it all down. ]

Does it hurt?

[ It's not fair to turn it around on Ignis either, but... He needs to know. Voice a little quieter, face still pressed to Ignis' neck, he clarifies just what he's talking about. ]

It looks painful.
mcring: (through fortune and flame we fall)

From: [personal profile] mcring


[ The confirmation, quiet as it is, is like a physical blow, and Noctis tries hard not to flinch. This shouldn't have happened. If he'd just been stronger, he could've protected them. Ignis... Luna... Everyone. The hands in his hair feel nice, but Noctis presses his face more against Ignis' neck instead, holding onto him tight. His face feels hot against Ignis' skin, but just feeling Ignis' skin, and his pulse pulse, is nice. Noct's voice is muffled and quiet, too. ]

I'm sorry.

[ Things like eyesight... don't just come back, do they? Maybe in his right eye, the less scarred one. Noctis isn't optimistic, but he's not going to discount hope, either. Ignis won't ever be the same, but maybe he'll be able to see again someday, like he said. The other wounds, the deeper ones, will heal too, Noctis knows. They'll be ugly scars, but he'll move on, just like Noct will. It's just going to take a while.

Nothing to do but wait. And in the meantime... He pulls back, just slightly. ]


Can I do something? I could get you some ice. Or something to drink.

[ There may be nothing he can do, nothing that would help, but the idea of just laying down and doing nothing while Ignis suffers is unbearable. ]
mcring: (you're never gonna fit in much kid)

From: [personal profile] mcring


[ It's absolution Ignis offers that Noctis can't really bring himself to believe. And Ignis shouldn't have to say it. Maybe he doesn't even believe it himself. But it doesn't matter. The blame is something Noctis is willing to shoulder. Has to. He's going to own the responsibility for all of this happening, and make sure nothing even close to it every happens to any of them again. What else can he do?

Not get ice, apparently. Because Ignis... wants him there? It doesn't make sense, after all the time he spent not coming to see him... When Noctis was sure just a little while ago that Ignis hated him. "Let me stay," he says, and it breaks Noct's heart to hear his voice shake like that, even as it swells to be pulled close, to feel needed despite how badly he screwed up. He lets himself tuck right back up against Ignis' chest and hugs him tight again. Is that what he's worried about? That Noctis would send him away?

It's... He's not wrong. Noctis has been thinking about it. It's part of why he's been putting all this off, the duty he has, the ring... He doesn't want to move on. It's safer for Ignis to stay here in Altissia while he and the others go to Gralea, but how the hell is he supposed to do anything without Ignis? His whole life, Ignis has been there for him... It's not a decision he wants to make. And is it still selfish to want Ignis to stay with him if it's what Ignis wants, too? ]


Ignis, I...

[ They need to talk about this sometime. But... Not right now. Later, when Ignis is healed. When Noctis doesn't feel like he's made of cracked glass just waiting to shatter. ]

Yeah. As long as you want.

[ He kisses Ignis' neck, and brings up their linked hands to kiss the back of Ignis' knuckles, and then he rests his head a little lower on Ignis' shoulder, readjusting his arms, staying close but getting comfortable. ]
mcring: (song 2)

From: [personal profile] mcring


[ The guilt tears at Noctis from the inside, at the thanks he doesn't deserve, at the question he's already asked himself a hundred times since he woke up in this same bed days ago with Ignis sitting there at his bedside, a constant in his life after everything. Even like this. Even scarred up, and hopeless. Even blind. Family, and home, and everything taken away from him... Cooking... driving... reading the newspaper... And he still wants to be with him?

It's painful for Noctis. Painful in ways he can't even imagine for Ignis. He can't even start to think about what's right for him, for either of them. It doesn't matter. He nods and leans up, doesn't hesitate, and kisses Ignis' mouth himself. Like Ignis even had to ask, like there will ever be a time when Noctis wouldn't want to kiss him. He could be dead, he could be dying— he kind of feels like he is. And he'd still always just want Ignis closer to him, as close as they can get. The kiss isn't a gentle acquaintance with Ignis' lips like it probably should be, for how much pain he must be in. It's desperate and needy, everything about Ignis' mouth is familiar, even after all this time, except for that scar on his lip.

He ended up like this, but he could've died, too. He could be gone, not just in another country, but gone forever, and what would Noctis do without him? ]
mcring: (fatality is like ghosts in the snow)

From: [personal profile] mcring


[ Even just the gasping few seconds apart it takes to breathe feels like too long away from Ignis' mouth. His hands slide up Ignis' shirt to hold his neck, to feel more skin to skin, and he welcomes the next kiss with the same kind of neediness as the first. Noctis doesn't want it to end. The kiss... everything. If he can't just sleep through it all, he wants it to be just like this, in bed with Ignis, everything else forgotten, all attention on Ignis and nothing else. It can't stay this way... But for a while, as long as it lasts, this is how he wants things to be. "Glad" is an understatement, and the stutter in Ignis' voice still shakes right through him. How could he let this happen? He kisses Ignis through the words. ]

Me too.

[ Noctis doesn't want to think about it, about everything that happened, about what kind of hit Ignis took that did this to him, about how he survived it, about how much pain he's still in all this time later, and where they go from here. Whether they stay together or split up. He doesn't want to think about any of it, but he can't think with anything but his heart right now, and can't stop thinking. ]

I—

[ They can't talk about it now, shouldn't, but Noctis can't stop thinking about it. Even the warm press of Ignis' mouth isn't enough to shut it out. With a frustrated sound, he breaks the kiss and drops his head to mouth at Ignis' neck again, harder than before. He rocks, full-bodied against him, a thigh pressed between Ignis' legs, mouth hot on his throat. ]

I can't do this without you, Iggy.

[ He doesn't want to do any of what he knows he has to do, doesn't want to decide, doesn't ever want to leave this room. They've already lost so much time they could've been together. Why couldn't things just be normal and easy, like they used to be? Like back in Insomnia, when everything felt hard, but it was so much easier than this. His hands fist in Ignis' shirt, pulling it loose from his pants, giving him space to push his palms under the fabric and feel Ignis' bare stomach instead, more skin to touch, a warm, living distraction as he kisses Ignis' neck open-mouthed from his jaw down to his collar. ]

I need you.
mcring: (the bureau)

From: [personal profile] mcring


[ This is stupid, reckless. It's selfish, isn't it? Noctis should be the calm one here, should be reassuring about everything. He should just get ice for Ignis' head or something, sit with him, talk through it. But none of that would be even near close enough to what he really wants. And Ignis wants him too, is pulling him close and kissed him back just as hungrily, so why shouldn't they just take every little bit of comfort from each other's skin that they can? They're together, they're here for right now, and what better reason is that?

It dulls the pain a little bit. Or at least quiet's Noct's thoughts down. Ignis tugs at his shirt, and Noctis pulls it over his head. The couple bruises he's got aren't fully healed, but they don't hurt that much, and it's not like Ignis can see them right now to worry, anyway. It's weirdly reassuring, not to be looked at, to know Ignis' eyes are closed without even having to look. Noctis leans in again, and he's kissing Ignis' mouth before the shirt's even fully off his arms, rocking down against him, into the space Ignis has made for him between his thighs. That's all he wants, to touch Ignis like this, to hear it over and over what he said before, before he started avoiding him. That he won't leave, no matter what. That he'll be here, always reaching a hand out for him. ]


Say it again. Promise me, Ignis.

[ Noctis licks the bruised, red scar on Ignis' lip before kissing him again, while his hands work open the buttons of Ignis' shirt, rough fingers moving as quick as they can to get to more skin. ]
mcring: (the kid from yesterday)

From: [personal profile] mcring


[ The scar tissue on his back is thicker, and Ignis' fingers there don't feel as pronounced to him there as anywhere else, the feeling dead. So when Noctis shivers at the touch, it's for another reason. He knows the scars don't matter to Ignis, that he gets touched there the same as everywhere else. But Ignis knows the history of them too, spent days at Noct's bedside as the wounds healed. Neither of them will forget what happened, what he lost and what else he was so close to losing that day. And now the scars on Ignis' face are the same. He wears those dark glasses like Noctis wears shirts to swim, and with Noct's shirt off now and Ignis' hands on him, he feels entitled to slide his thumbs under the frames and pull Ignis' glasses off gently, and carefully set them aside.

He doesn't want to lean away from Ignis' hands, and he's quick to lean right back in, to kiss his mouth and ask, eyes lowered so he doesn't loss his nerve, voice choked. ]


Then why did you?

[ He doesn't really want to know. If it's because Ignis hated him, or he was scared... He can't think of any answer that isn't awful, and heartbreaking, and maybe Noctis could've gotten through it a week ago, whatever happened with them and this weird thing they have together, but right now, he couldn't take Ignis' rejection on top of everything, no matter what his reason. Even if he did deserve it, which right now, Noctis is sure he does. Ignis deserves to hate him, he deserves to be safe away from him, but Noctis just can't even consider giving him that right now. He holds tight to him instead, hands smoothing over his bare chest under his open shirt, mouth demanding kisses between every rushed word. ]

Don't just sit outside my door. Don't avoid me. You want to be with me, right?

[ "As long as you need me," like Noctis is ever going to stop, like there will ever be a time he won't need Ignis with him. After what happened... He needs Ignis more than ever, and he's trying to say it, but he's just so bad at talking about anything. He should've... Days ago, he should've explained everything, begged Ignis to stay instead of letting him walk away with more empty promises again, but Noctis can't get the words to come out right. But he tries anyway, tries to make up for unforgivable mistakes and lost time with needy kisses and hands pressed over Ignis' skin, down his chest and stomach to pry open his belt, still panting against his mouth. ]

So be with me.
mcring: (sleep with a gun)

From: [personal profile] mcring


[ It's rough and it's painful this way, and Noctis knows that, but he doesn't know how else to be right now, how to feel anything that isn't pain. Everything's still too fresh, too raw, like the burns on Ignis' face. Hiding won't make it any better. That's all Noctis has been doing for days, hiding from everybody, from the world, from himself. Maybe this isn't the right way forward, but he feels just as blind as Ignis right now, stumbling in what he feels like the right direction might be. They're going to have to drag themselves together eventually and leave Altissia, and the only direction Noctis wants to go in now is the one Ignis is going in, too. Everything's falling apart, which just means holding tighter to the pieces he has left, to the people he cares about most. To Ignis. He kisses his mouth through the apologies, swallowing them down, shakes his head just a little, right where he is, in Ignis' hands, pressed up against him. ]

Don't be.

[ His hands push over Ignis' hips, finding more skin to touch while he kisses Ignis' cheek beneath the scars, and his jaw, and his neck just under his ear. He hates seeing him like this, more than the bruised red skin and glassy eyes... The shaking, the stuttering, the apologies... It all cuts right through him. But how can he fix anything when he keeps screwing everything up? He can't hope to make things better. There's no fixing this. There's just admitting what he needs, what he's always needed, more than a clean apartment or mended clothes or hot meals, and hoping that wanting something, somebody, is enough to make it real.

He lifts his his head to knock their foreheads together, and nuzzle the scarred bridge of Ignis' nose, and breathe against his lips, the words more important than desperate kisses right now, just for a second, just long enough to get this out. ]


I don't need you to protect me, Iggy, or to fight with me. I just... Just be with me. Just don't leave, okay? Stay with me.
mcring: (our lady of sorrows)

From: [personal profile] mcring


[ The kisses are welcome, more welcome than breathing, and Noctis leans into them, arches against him, pushing down firmly to feel more skin on skin where their bare chests meet, and good as it is, it's the slide of Ignis' hands down the back of his pants that has him making a needy sound into Ignis' mouth.

He might be a burden; that's the problem. If Ignis can't fight, not even to defend himself... He's a liability, and Noctis knows that. It doesn't just put them at risk, it puts Ignis at risk, which is so much worse. But they'll just have to protect him. If Ignis wanted to stay behind, that would be one thing. But if he really wants to be with Noctis, like he's saying he does, not just in words, but with those kisses and the pull of his hands... there's no way Noctis could leave him behind. They'll work it out. Because even if Ignis never gets his sight back, never fights, or cooks, or drives again, or anything else Noct's come to rely on him for... ]


You're not. You're—

[ He'll never be a burden to Noctis. He's so much more than that. Ignis is everything to him. He loves him, more than anybody, more than anything... But Noctis still can't get the words out. They stay stuck right on the tip of his tongue. If he can't say it now, after everything that happened here... He's never going to be able to say it. But he can still hope that maybe he will, if they get through all this, if they live long enough. Maybe when it's all over, he'll be able to put into words what he's always felt, instead of always feeling it stuck in his throat. ]

You won't be. That's my job, remember?

[ For now, though... he just says what he can with eager kisses, and the roll of his body as he covers Ignis' hands with his and helps to shove his pants and boxers down, and kick it all aside. He's not aroused yet, not even close to distracted enough for that, but just baring everything right now is what's important. It feels important, anyway. Noctis works on getting the rest of Ignis' clothes off him next, and when he finds a breath between deep kisses to say something again, he says what's easier than the whole truth, something well-rehearsed, because it's better than saying nothing. ]

Take care of me.

[ He wants to see Ignis smile again. He wants to make stupid puns and laugh with him. That's what he really wants. But for right now... Touching him like this will have to be enough. ]
mcring: (the light behind your eyes)

From: [personal profile] mcring


[ That's... probably the most romantic thing anybody's ever said to Noctis, definitely the most romantic thing Ignis has ever said to him. Noct's heart flutters and his face warms up, and the next kiss feels gentler than the ones before. There's overwhelming guilt, still. That and the grief he feels like a hard pit in his stomach aren't going away any time soon. But he feels warmer and more relaxed all at once than he has since... since Cape Caem, maybe. That little house on the water they shared, the one that belonged to his dad. Just the lighthouse, the water, the four of them and the kids, playing darts and planting vegetables like they were a family, like there wasn't a war going on just outside their door. Maybe they can go back there, after everything. It's nice to think about, to imagine they're still in one of those beds there instead.

Noctis leans back easily as he's pushed, pulling Ignis with him, sliding his hands over his hips and his sides, resting his hands on Ignis' neck because he's afraid to bring them higher, afraid to touch the raw burns sliced through Ignis' face and hurt him by just trying to wipe away his tears. He kisses him, though. Warmly, slowly, until Ignis kisses his neck instead and Noctis is forced to breathe. He lets his eyes close and his head fall back, offering more of his neck, arching up towards Ignis' lips, and hands, and body, still holding onto his shoulders. Sight's not important right now, for either of them. Some things don't have to change. This... All the misunderstandings, the fights, the inconveniences, but this is something that will never change between them. He's always going to want Ignis like this, is never going to want anybody else this close to him. ]


Do I taste sweet? Feel like I'd be bitter.

[ He jokes, voice low and quiet, while his thighs slide against Ignis' hips and his hands trace over his ribs and the muscles of his chest. It's a play on what Ignis said before. Hard not to feel bitter about this, about everything, but if there's one person who makes him want to be better than he feels like he is, to stay hopeful, it's Ignis. ]
mcring: (listening)

From: [personal profile] mcring


[ The attention Ignis is giving him is so slow, so reverent, it's almost too much for Noctis to take. It's all he can do to keep still as Ignis kisses down his arm, all the way to his fingertips. Noctis feels almost like he can't breathe. it's painful, but a good kind of pain, like being kissed to breathlessness or hugged too tightly. He feels dizzy with it, with how much Ignis loves him. Like warm syrup filling his lungs, drowning him, and he just wants more of it. ]

Right, I forgot. ...You like bitter more.

[ Noctis prefers things sweet. Sugar in his coffee. Syrupy fruit in his pastries. Ignis in bed. This is an indulgence, and Noctis knows he's being spoiled right now, should be doing more to give back. But he doesn't. He's content to just soak up everything Ignis is giving him, every gentle kiss to his arms and palms and fingertips, to his collar and chest, while his hands smooth over Ignis' shoulders and his neck, and his cheeks when they're offered, and into his hair after that. It takes him a long couple seconds to realize that Ignis isn't just leaning against him, that he's listening to his heartbeat, and Noct's heart races a little faster with the realization, self-consciousness and guilt creeping in. Ignis had it so much worse, is injured in a way that didn't just knock him out for a couple days... But Ignis was still just worried about him instead.

Noct's voice is thick, arms rested on Ignis' shoulders, fingers carding through his hair. If they could just stay like this... If he could just keep Ignis right here in his arms, in bed, just like this... That would be perfect. ]


Lucky for me.

[ If only they really were that lucky. But for right now... At least they are that lucky right now. They almost didn't even have this much. With less teasing, Noctis affirms it. ]

I'm really lucky.
mcring: (cemetery drive)

From: [personal profile] mcring


[ Even with the cuts scabbed and bruised over, and the the burns on Ignis' face gone waxy, there's still a lot of healing they both have left to do. Inside and out. Noctis feels guilty for how much time he's been spending in his room, and how he's been dragging his feet. It's not like he needs a wheelchair to get around. Ignis has been way more productive these past couple days, Noct's sure, and he can't even see. That guilt Noctis feels is well deserved. ...But. If lying in bed together slows Ignis down a little, that's good, right? They both need this, and if Ignis says it's alright... Noctis can't bring himself to feel badly about it. ]

Mm... Sounds nice.

[ He hums, fingers still absently petting through Ignis' hair, face turned down to enjoy the sight of Ignis relaxed against him. It's nice, a perfect kind of moment, even for all they've lost, even with the scars. Though, a shiver of fear goes through Noctis at the thought of staying like this for too long, and he glances up nervously towards the closed door. There aren't any cars in Altissia, so it takes a while to get around. But the guys can only take so long shopping... And Noctis really would die of embarrassment if they caught them naked cuddling like this. Reluctantly, he admits. ]

I should, uh, probably lock the door, though.
mcring: (jet-star and the kobra kid)

From: [personal profile] mcring


[ That break of the tenuous peace they've found is the last thing Noctis wants. But that's the whole point of shutting the door. Just... take care of it, shut it all out. He doesn't mind being the one to do it. ]

You don't always have to think of everything, you know.

[ Being away from that nest of warm in Ignis' arms is a little startling, after being wrapped up in it for a couple long, comfortable minutes. The room outside the bed feels cold, now. Being naked probably has a lot to do with it. Noctis should probably feel less awkward about that now, since it's not like Ignis can see his bare ass walking away to judge him for the lack of muscle or... ass, or whatever, but he feels the same kind of awkward, anyway.

At least it's a quick trip to lock the door and climb back into bed. A lot quicker than it would've been for Ignis, and that's not exactly an easy thought, either. Back when he was stuck in a wheelchair all those years ago, it was awful. Even just trying to get into bed himself was a struggle, never mind trips to the bathroom late at night or whatever. Being blind's got to feel even worse.

But that's something to worry about later. Back in bed, Noctis kicks the sheets around and buries himself and Ignis under them before pressing right up against him again. He kisses Ignis because he can, because they can, in no kind of rush to do anything else. ...At least until he's thinking better of it, and with a little annoyed grunt, he leans over Ignis and grabs his phone from the bedside table. Might as well text Prompto, too, before they notice Ignis is missing and freak out. Happily using Ignis as a pillow as he taps away on his phone, he muses. ]


How long d'you think we can hole up in here before we get dragged out?

[ "Forever" definitely isn't the answer, and Noctis knows it, but... Would be nice. ]
.

Profile

houseofscientia: (Default)
Ignis Scientia