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[Ignis has only a little recollection of what happened. Not of the fine details, but he knows what happened. He knows what he did and why. He prayed for forgiveness, he remembers that one clearly.
He prayed for forgiveness, that Noctis will understand that he had no other way. He prayed, that if he died, Noctis would understand. He prayed that if he meets His Highness King Regis in the afterlife, he would forgive him too for leaving his son alone.
Waking up in pain that ran deeper than his body, with one of his senses robbed of him, with a ringing in his ear was the thing that scared Ignis the most about it all. Not the fight itself, but that he still has Noctis to protect and he may not be able to.
He heard the way Gladio's voice deepened as he updated him about the situation. He heard the way Prompto's voice broke every time he was trying to talk to him. Ignis hated both, because it reminded him how all of them were so scared. So scared. But no one would say a word about it. That's why he took it upon himself to offer Noctis, and with that the others too, to stop this all. Stop the journey, stop this madness and go home. Or escape.
And when Noctis refused, Ignis had never been more proud of him. It made everything worth it, it showed that Noctis is ready. Yet, as a sick twist of fate, Ignis felt he himself isn't. So when he walked out of Noctis' room after that conversation, he never wanted to return. He didn't want Noctis to be reminded of what happened, he already had a lot to deal with by losing Lady Lunafreya too. And Ignis knew how he would feel about seeing him injured too. Maybe it was also vanity on Ignis' part. Feeling the scars on his face, he wondered just how ugly they are. It truly mustn't be a sight anyone would want to look at. But he'll check them when he has his vision back...
They aren't ready to go on. They all need to heal and rest and Altissia is letting them stay that little time they need. It also means there are no hunts, no driving, no busy days, just waiting and supposedly healing. Ignis hates it. It leaves too much time to think. A few times he asked Prompto to help him walk to the market, but he came back with more tension than he left with.
The worst thing, however, that Ignis realized he started to avoid Noctis. He was usually by his side when he would be sleeping, all the other times he asked Gladio or even Prompto to keep vigil. Those times he'd sit on the sofa outside the hotel room and listen quietly to the radio if there's any news about the Empire, or if the hunters have any updates. Just like he does now.]
He prayed for forgiveness, that Noctis will understand that he had no other way. He prayed, that if he died, Noctis would understand. He prayed that if he meets His Highness King Regis in the afterlife, he would forgive him too for leaving his son alone.
Waking up in pain that ran deeper than his body, with one of his senses robbed of him, with a ringing in his ear was the thing that scared Ignis the most about it all. Not the fight itself, but that he still has Noctis to protect and he may not be able to.
He heard the way Gladio's voice deepened as he updated him about the situation. He heard the way Prompto's voice broke every time he was trying to talk to him. Ignis hated both, because it reminded him how all of them were so scared. So scared. But no one would say a word about it. That's why he took it upon himself to offer Noctis, and with that the others too, to stop this all. Stop the journey, stop this madness and go home. Or escape.
And when Noctis refused, Ignis had never been more proud of him. It made everything worth it, it showed that Noctis is ready. Yet, as a sick twist of fate, Ignis felt he himself isn't. So when he walked out of Noctis' room after that conversation, he never wanted to return. He didn't want Noctis to be reminded of what happened, he already had a lot to deal with by losing Lady Lunafreya too. And Ignis knew how he would feel about seeing him injured too. Maybe it was also vanity on Ignis' part. Feeling the scars on his face, he wondered just how ugly they are. It truly mustn't be a sight anyone would want to look at. But he'll check them when he has his vision back...
They aren't ready to go on. They all need to heal and rest and Altissia is letting them stay that little time they need. It also means there are no hunts, no driving, no busy days, just waiting and supposedly healing. Ignis hates it. It leaves too much time to think. A few times he asked Prompto to help him walk to the market, but he came back with more tension than he left with.
The worst thing, however, that Ignis realized he started to avoid Noctis. He was usually by his side when he would be sleeping, all the other times he asked Gladio or even Prompto to keep vigil. Those times he'd sit on the sofa outside the hotel room and listen quietly to the radio if there's any news about the Empire, or if the hunters have any updates. Just like he does now.]
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Ignis needs to breathe, but he kisses Noctis.
He wants to hide again, but he doesn't, arching up into all those touches, offering anything and everything Noctis wants.
His lips tremble, as he kisses back, his eyes shut tight, even if the greyness behind his eyelids not change at all. But he can feel them burn from something else than the injuries. It's just too much. Noctis offered the only thing that would make him the happiest and yet he's still reluctant to take it. They don't have the luxury for that. While Noctis needs him, he has more use of the others for now, of people who don't need help to even walk down a damn corridor.]
I won't be a burden, Noct. I promise I won't.
[His hand slide lower on Noctis back, once again feeling up the scars there. THe past there. Their childhood there... Sliding to the waistline of his shorts, his fingers sneaking under them to feel more. It feels forbidden, like one of the first time they did it, but Ignis doesn't hesitate this time like he did back then.]
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He might be a burden; that's the problem. If Ignis can't fight, not even to defend himself... He's a liability, and Noctis knows that. It doesn't just put them at risk, it puts Ignis at risk, which is so much worse. But they'll just have to protect him. If Ignis wanted to stay behind, that would be one thing. But if he really wants to be with Noctis, like he's saying he does, not just in words, but with those kisses and the pull of his hands... there's no way Noctis could leave him behind. They'll work it out. Because even if Ignis never gets his sight back, never fights, or cooks, or drives again, or anything else Noct's come to rely on him for... ]
You're not. You're—
[ He'll never be a burden to Noctis. He's so much more than that. Ignis is everything to him. He loves him, more than anybody, more than anything... But Noctis still can't get the words out. They stay stuck right on the tip of his tongue. If he can't say it now, after everything that happened here... He's never going to be able to say it. But he can still hope that maybe he will, if they get through all this, if they live long enough. Maybe when it's all over, he'll be able to put into words what he's always felt, instead of always feeling it stuck in his throat. ]
You won't be. That's my job, remember?
[ For now, though... he just says what he can with eager kisses, and the roll of his body as he covers Ignis' hands with his and helps to shove his pants and boxers down, and kick it all aside. He's not aroused yet, not even close to distracted enough for that, but just baring everything right now is what's important. It feels important, anyway. Noctis works on getting the rest of Ignis' clothes off him next, and when he finds a breath between deep kisses to say something again, he says what's easier than the whole truth, something well-rehearsed, because it's better than saying nothing. ]
Take care of me.
[ He wants to see Ignis smile again. He wants to make stupid puns and laugh with him. That's what he really wants. But for right now... Touching him like this will have to be enough. ]
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Things may not go back to the way they were. Even if Ignis gets his sight back, it will be different. Because they both are different from when they set off on this journey. But some things remained and will remain: Ignis will love Noctis until the end of times. And he will take care of him, forever. He never has to ask, it goes without saying. Noctis will never ask him not to, it will be Ignis's decision when he will have to stop. It will be the hardest he'll even have to make and he's not feeling himself strong enough just yet.]
I wish all burden would be as sweet to bear as you.
[He whispers, because he can't get his voice working. He feels too weak and too overwhelmed; too choked up. He then cups the back of Noctis's head, to kiss him, and to gently push at his chest. Ignis slowly rolls them over, so he can cover the other's body with his, now that they have no clothes to separate them anymore. His breath is still shaking as he starts kissing down on Noctis' neck. Taking care of Noctis means he has to see if he's fine, and without his eyes, he can only check it with his lips and fingers.]
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Noctis leans back easily as he's pushed, pulling Ignis with him, sliding his hands over his hips and his sides, resting his hands on Ignis' neck because he's afraid to bring them higher, afraid to touch the raw burns sliced through Ignis' face and hurt him by just trying to wipe away his tears. He kisses him, though. Warmly, slowly, until Ignis kisses his neck instead and Noctis is forced to breathe. He lets his eyes close and his head fall back, offering more of his neck, arching up towards Ignis' lips, and hands, and body, still holding onto his shoulders. Sight's not important right now, for either of them. Some things don't have to change. This... All the misunderstandings, the fights, the inconveniences, but this is something that will never change between them. He's always going to want Ignis like this, is never going to want anybody else this close to him. ]
Do I taste sweet? Feel like I'd be bitter.
[ He jokes, voice low and quiet, while his thighs slide against Ignis' hips and his hands trace over his ribs and the muscles of his chest. It's a play on what Ignis said before. Hard not to feel bitter about this, about everything, but if there's one person who makes him want to be better than he feels like he is, to stay hopeful, it's Ignis. ]
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[Ignis assures gently. Sweet like orange sponge cake, bitter like coffee. He feels the tension leaving Noctis' muscles and it affects him too. He's relaxing just a bit, too. Pretending that he only has his eyes closed as he kisses down Noctis' shoulder toward one of his arms.
It's skin that he's overly familiar with, yet, as he's tasting it, kissing at it, and runs his finger over it, it feels new. New, but still precious and treasured. Ignis takes his time kissing at all the tips of Noctis' fingers, then inside his palm before he would press his cheek against it. It's warm. It feels like he's melting away, and he doesn't want to stop it.
Ignis guides Noctis' hand to the back of his neck, as he goes to tend to his other arm too. Kissing and caressing the skin on his way, just to greet Noctis' fingers once again with a kiss of their own.
When the arms are done, Ignis moves back to Noctis' chest. He kisses lower, toward his heart, and when he reaches it, Ignis stops. He presses his lips against the skin, not moving for a moment. Then he turns his head and presses his ear against Noctis' chest, to just listen to his heartbeat. The heartbeat he almost died to protect. But it worth it, because it has the most beautiful melody against Ignis' ear. It makes him smile a little too. Makes him love Noctis even more, if that's even possible.
Maybe in a different life, a different time, he could listen to Noctis' heartbeat before his first coffee in the morning and before he goes to sleep. It's just too much to ask for that in this life, but dreaming about it, pretending always makes it easier. Right?]
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Right, I forgot. ...You like bitter more.
[ Noctis prefers things sweet. Sugar in his coffee. Syrupy fruit in his pastries. Ignis in bed. This is an indulgence, and Noctis knows he's being spoiled right now, should be doing more to give back. But he doesn't. He's content to just soak up everything Ignis is giving him, every gentle kiss to his arms and palms and fingertips, to his collar and chest, while his hands smooth over Ignis' shoulders and his neck, and his cheeks when they're offered, and into his hair after that. It takes him a long couple seconds to realize that Ignis isn't just leaning against him, that he's listening to his heartbeat, and Noct's heart races a little faster with the realization, self-consciousness and guilt creeping in. Ignis had it so much worse, is injured in a way that didn't just knock him out for a couple days... But Ignis was still just worried about him instead.
Noct's voice is thick, arms rested on Ignis' shoulders, fingers carding through his hair. If they could just stay like this... If he could just keep Ignis right here in his arms, in bed, just like this... That would be perfect. ]
Lucky for me.
[ If only they really were that lucky. But for right now... At least they are that lucky right now. They almost didn't even have this much. With less teasing, Noctis affirms it. ]
I'm really lucky.
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It's questionable who is the lucky one, Ignis wonders. Because he could save Noctis, and he's alive to speak to him, to let Ignis listen to his heartbeat. If anyone's lucky here, it's Ignis to have this. His hands strokes the sides of Noctis, affectionate and slow. He can feel the bruises under his fingertips. The scratches. The other injuries. It worries him, but the fact that he can feel them hot under his touch just shows that Noctis is still fighting. And will fight till the end.
Ignis slowly lays against Noctis, presses against him with his body, feeling him all over. He lets out a sigh, his lips pressed against his chest, over his heart. This is good. He wanted this. He wanted to hold Noctis, listen to his heartbeat, and he wanted to be held by those arms too.
He's trying to think about the here and the now, and not of the future. Where he will struggle to stay with the others and may fall out too. He doesn't want to think about the vision he saw of Noctis. Older. And dying. Alone. Maybe that's why Ignis was so reluctant to leave him, despite all logic. Because if there's at least a small chance to prevent that, he will try it.]
Shall we stay like this for a while?
[He wants to. It soothing. It's like a break from all that awfulness outside. Ignis really isn't someone who would be in denial, or run away. But this time, he feels a little tired and he wouldn't want to be anywhere else right now, but laying against Noctis, just enjoying his warmth.]
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Mm... Sounds nice.
[ He hums, fingers still absently petting through Ignis' hair, face turned down to enjoy the sight of Ignis relaxed against him. It's nice, a perfect kind of moment, even for all they've lost, even with the scars. Though, a shiver of fear goes through Noctis at the thought of staying like this for too long, and he glances up nervously towards the closed door. There aren't any cars in Altissia, so it takes a while to get around. But the guys can only take so long shopping... And Noctis really would die of embarrassment if they caught them naked cuddling like this. Reluctantly, he admits. ]
I should, uh, probably lock the door, though.
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Ah, yes. It's be slightly uncomfortable if they would barge in like that.
[He mutters softly and reluctantly moving off of Noctis. But then he realizes that Noctis plans to close that door. And it will be faster too if he does. So Ignis just nods again, swallowing. He could close the door he knows the general direction of it. He remembered the route they took when Noctis guided him inside. But does he? Such a simple task became a bit like planning a mission.]
I apologize I should've thought of that sooner.
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You don't always have to think of everything, you know.
[ Being away from that nest of warm in Ignis' arms is a little startling, after being wrapped up in it for a couple long, comfortable minutes. The room outside the bed feels cold, now. Being naked probably has a lot to do with it. Noctis should probably feel less awkward about that now, since it's not like Ignis can see his bare ass walking away to judge him for the lack of muscle or... ass, or whatever, but he feels the same kind of awkward, anyway.
At least it's a quick trip to lock the door and climb back into bed. A lot quicker than it would've been for Ignis, and that's not exactly an easy thought, either. Back when he was stuck in a wheelchair all those years ago, it was awful. Even just trying to get into bed himself was a struggle, never mind trips to the bathroom late at night or whatever. Being blind's got to feel even worse.
But that's something to worry about later. Back in bed, Noctis kicks the sheets around and buries himself and Ignis under them before pressing right up against him again. He kisses Ignis because he can, because they can, in no kind of rush to do anything else. ...At least until he's thinking better of it, and with a little annoyed grunt, he leans over Ignis and grabs his phone from the bedside table. Might as well text Prompto, too, before they notice Ignis is missing and freak out. Happily using Ignis as a pillow as he taps away on his phone, he muses. ]
How long d'you think we can hole up in here before we get dragged out?
[ "Forever" definitely isn't the answer, and Noctis knows it, but... Would be nice. ]
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When Noctis is back, it's easy to fall with him again. Easy to touch him and press against him and lay down, holding him. He's there, in more than one way and Ignis once again calms down.]
Long enough, don't worry.
[He answers vaguely. He's sure Gladio would drag them to eat for reasons when night falls. But that will be more than enough. Tomorrow's another day. And he's healing. They are both healing. And they have the Leviathan by their side, thanks to Noctis. They had losses, but their victory wasn't something small either. Ignis likes to believe, that it'll be fine... So until then Ignis will just reach for Noctis' hair, and gently sliding his fingers into it, petting at him. And pretending he just has his eyes closed.]