after the fall

[houseofscientia]

[Ignis has only a little recollection of what happened. Not of the fine details, but he knows what happened. He knows what he did and why. He prayed for forgiveness, he remembers that one clearly.

He prayed for forgiveness, that Noctis will understand that he had no other way. He prayed, that if he died, Noctis would understand. He prayed that if he meets His Highness King Regis in the afterlife, he would forgive him too for leaving his son alone.

Waking up in pain that ran deeper than his body, with one of his senses robbed of him, with a ringing in his ear was the thing that scared Ignis the most about it all. Not the fight itself, but that he still has Noctis to protect and he may not be able to.

He heard the way Gladio's voice deepened as he updated him about the situation. He heard the way Prompto's voice broke every time he was trying to talk to him. Ignis hated both, because it reminded him how all of them were so scared. So scared. But no one would say a word about it. That's why he took it upon himself to offer Noctis, and with that the others too, to stop this all. Stop the journey, stop this madness and go home. Or escape.

And when Noctis refused, Ignis had never been more proud of him. It made everything worth it, it showed that Noctis is ready. Yet, as a sick twist of fate, Ignis felt he himself isn't. So when he walked out of Noctis' room after that conversation, he never wanted to return. He didn't want Noctis to be reminded of what happened, he already had a lot to deal with by losing Lady Lunafreya too. And Ignis knew how he would feel about seeing him injured too. Maybe it was also vanity on Ignis' part. Feeling the scars on his face, he wondered just how ugly they are. It truly mustn't be a sight anyone would want to look at. But he'll check them when he has his vision back...

They aren't ready to go on. They all need to heal and rest and Altissia is letting them stay that little time they need. It also means there are no hunts, no driving, no busy days, just waiting and supposedly healing. Ignis hates it. It leaves too much time to think. A few times he asked Prompto to help him walk to the market, but he came back with more tension than he left with.

The worst thing, however, that Ignis realized he started to avoid Noctis. He was usually by his side when he would be sleeping, all the other times he asked Gladio or even Prompto to keep vigil. Those times he'd sit on the sofa outside the hotel room and listen quietly to the radio if there's any news about the Empire, or if the hunters have any updates. Just like he does now.]

Comments

[mcring]

[ The attention Ignis is giving him is so slow, so reverent, it's almost too much for Noctis to take. It's all he can do to keep still as Ignis kisses down his arm, all the way to his fingertips. Noctis feels almost like he can't breathe. it's painful, but a good kind of pain, like being kissed to breathlessness or hugged too tightly. He feels dizzy with it, with how much Ignis loves him. Like warm syrup filling his lungs, drowning him, and he just wants more of it. ]

Right, I forgot. ...You like bitter more.

[ Noctis prefers things sweet. Sugar in his coffee. Syrupy fruit in his pastries. Ignis in bed. This is an indulgence, and Noctis knows he's being spoiled right now, should be doing more to give back. But he doesn't. He's content to just soak up everything Ignis is giving him, every gentle kiss to his arms and palms and fingertips, to his collar and chest, while his hands smooth over Ignis' shoulders and his neck, and his cheeks when they're offered, and into his hair after that. It takes him a long couple seconds to realize that Ignis isn't just leaning against him, that he's listening to his heartbeat, and Noct's heart races a little faster with the realization, self-consciousness and guilt creeping in. Ignis had it so much worse, is injured in a way that didn't just knock him out for a couple days... But Ignis was still just worried about him instead.

Noct's voice is thick, arms rested on Ignis' shoulders, fingers carding through his hair. If they could just stay like this... If he could just keep Ignis right here in his arms, in bed, just like this... That would be perfect. ]

Lucky for me.

[ If only they really were that lucky. But for right now... At least they are that lucky right now. They almost didn't even have this much. With less teasing, Noctis affirms it. ]

I'm really lucky.

[houseofscientia]

[Ignis sighs as he listens to Noctis' voice through his chest, right next to his heartbeat. It's a sign that he's alive. Another sign. Amongst many.

It's questionable who is the lucky one, Ignis wonders. Because he could save Noctis, and he's alive to speak to him, to let Ignis listen to his heartbeat. If anyone's lucky here, it's Ignis to have this. His hands strokes the sides of Noctis, affectionate and slow. He can feel the bruises under his fingertips. The scratches. The other injuries. It worries him, but the fact that he can feel them hot under his touch just shows that Noctis is still fighting. And will fight till the end.

Ignis slowly lays against Noctis, presses against him with his body, feeling him all over. He lets out a sigh, his lips pressed against his chest, over his heart. This is good. He wanted this. He wanted to hold Noctis, listen to his heartbeat, and he wanted to be held by those arms too.

He's trying to think about the here and the now, and not of the future. Where he will struggle to stay with the others and may fall out too. He doesn't want to think about the vision he saw of Noctis. Older. And dying. Alone. Maybe that's why Ignis was so reluctant to leave him, despite all logic. Because if there's at least a small chance to prevent that, he will try it.]

Shall we stay like this for a while?

[He wants to. It soothing. It's like a break from all that awfulness outside. Ignis really isn't someone who would be in denial, or run away. But this time, he feels a little tired and he wouldn't want to be anywhere else right now, but laying against Noctis, just enjoying his warmth.]

[mcring]

[ Even with the cuts scabbed and bruised over, and the the burns on Ignis' face gone waxy, there's still a lot of healing they both have left to do. Inside and out. Noctis feels guilty for how much time he's been spending in his room, and how he's been dragging his feet. It's not like he needs a wheelchair to get around. Ignis has been way more productive these past couple days, Noct's sure, and he can't even see. That guilt Noctis feels is well deserved. ...But. If lying in bed together slows Ignis down a little, that's good, right? They both need this, and if Ignis says it's alright... Noctis can't bring himself to feel badly about it. ]

Mm... Sounds nice.

[ He hums, fingers still absently petting through Ignis' hair, face turned down to enjoy the sight of Ignis relaxed against him. It's nice, a perfect kind of moment, even for all they've lost, even with the scars. Though, a shiver of fear goes through Noctis at the thought of staying like this for too long, and he glances up nervously towards the closed door. There aren't any cars in Altissia, so it takes a while to get around. But the guys can only take so long shopping... And Noctis really would die of embarrassment if they caught them naked cuddling like this. Reluctantly, he admits. ]

I should, uh, probably lock the door, though.

[houseofscientia]

[Ignis opens his eyes as Noctis speaks. And he sees nothing and for just a part of a moment he's confused. He got so relaxed there, so calm with Noctis finally close that he forgot... Which showed that truly, Noctis could make him relax in every situation possible. But coming back to reality still is a bit difficult.]

Ah, yes. It's be slightly uncomfortable if they would barge in like that.

[He mutters softly and reluctantly moving off of Noctis. But then he realizes that Noctis plans to close that door. And it will be faster too if he does. So Ignis just nods again, swallowing. He could close the door he knows the general direction of it. He remembered the route they took when Noctis guided him inside. But does he? Such a simple task became a bit like planning a mission.]

I apologize I should've thought of that sooner.

[mcring]

[ That break of the tenuous peace they've found is the last thing Noctis wants. But that's the whole point of shutting the door. Just... take care of it, shut it all out. He doesn't mind being the one to do it. ]

You don't always have to think of everything, you know.

[ Being away from that nest of warm in Ignis' arms is a little startling, after being wrapped up in it for a couple long, comfortable minutes. The room outside the bed feels cold, now. Being naked probably has a lot to do with it. Noctis should probably feel less awkward about that now, since it's not like Ignis can see his bare ass walking away to judge him for the lack of muscle or... ass, or whatever, but he feels the same kind of awkward, anyway.

At least it's a quick trip to lock the door and climb back into bed. A lot quicker than it would've been for Ignis, and that's not exactly an easy thought, either. Back when he was stuck in a wheelchair all those years ago, it was awful. Even just trying to get into bed himself was a struggle, never mind trips to the bathroom late at night or whatever. Being blind's got to feel even worse.

But that's something to worry about later. Back in bed, Noctis kicks the sheets around and buries himself and Ignis under them before pressing right up against him again. He kisses Ignis because he can, because they can, in no kind of rush to do anything else. ...At least until he's thinking better of it, and with a little annoyed grunt, he leans over Ignis and grabs his phone from the bedside table. Might as well text Prompto, too, before they notice Ignis is missing and freak out. Happily using Ignis as a pillow as he taps away on his phone, he muses. ]

How long d'you think we can hole up in here before we get dragged out?

[ "Forever" definitely isn't the answer, and Noctis knows it, but... Would be nice. ]

[houseofscientia]

[Ignis bites his lips in, because... because he does. He has to think about everything. It's his job. But he doesn't say that out loud. He sits back on his heels, listening to Noctis walk to the door and lock it. He counted the steps, he noted how much it would take for him to get to the door. He also tried to note the route Noctis took, which probably has no obstacles. Ignis made a mental note to make that walk next time alone.

When Noctis is back, it's easy to fall with him again. Easy to touch him and press against him and lay down, holding him. He's there, in more than one way and Ignis once again calms down.]

Long enough, don't worry.

[He answers vaguely. He's sure Gladio would drag them to eat for reasons when night falls. But that will be more than enough. Tomorrow's another day. And he's healing. They are both healing. And they have the Leviathan by their side, thanks to Noctis. They had losses, but their victory wasn't something small either. Ignis likes to believe, that it'll be fine... So until then Ignis will just reach for Noctis' hair, and gently sliding his fingers into it, petting at him. And pretending he just has his eyes closed.]